Avoiding Intimacy



Avoiding Intimacy


Avoiding Intimacy

Thank you so much for this site and the wonderful articles you have written. I am a bisexual male and have largely avoided intimacy with men. This is due to the fact that the men I have had relationships with involved anal sex which I really dislike. I "went along to get along" until I just stopped getting intimate with men altogether.

Your words are encouraging as an affirmation that there is nothing wrong with me. It has been difficult for me to see a broadening of acceptance of bisexuals while a rigid standard has been held by the community as to how sex between males should occur.

Thank you again so much.


Re: Avoiding Intimacy


i just wanted to let you know how much i can identify with what you said in your posting on the site...i have gone through quite a transition in my thinking lately...i love sex with my woman, but there's always been this fantasy of mine for d2d...i knew what i had seen of the "gay" sub-culture was a big turn-off for me...all anal and so promiscuous... and there was no way i could identify my urges for d2d with what i saw in that community...i have realized now that what i am is not "straight"...or "gay"...or "bi"...i'm just sexual...and i come from a totally masculine point of view with BOTH of my lovers and i think that point of view is the very thing they find attractive in me.

my woman wants a MAN..., and so does my buddy...he and i DON'T want a male lover who we feminize and turn into a substitute for a woman because to do so would remove his MANLINESS which is, after all the thing that attracted us to each other in the 1st place.

i wonder sometimes if the men into anal with other men are actually repressed heterosexuals with all that "top and "bottom" stuff...but i won't go into that now.

anyway, i enjoyed your point of view...

let your thoughts continue to's very liberating.


Bill Weintraub

Re: Avoiding Intimacy


hey dc and patrick

great posts from both of you guys

i wouldn't say that men "into anal" are repressed heterosexuals -- rather they're men who think that all sex has to mimic heterosex

and that thinking is re-inforced by a huge cultural apparatus

so even though, as patrick rightly points out, anal destroys the very MANLINESS which gay guys pursue, they keep doing anal and effeminizing themselves

in the meantime blind to the reality that heterosex is genital-genital sex -- as is cock-to-cock

anal penetration is a poor substitute for sex

but until we succeed in changing the dominant gay male paradigm, gay men will continue to avidly pursue it

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