A Father's Wish



A Father's Wish


I woke up thinking about a question you asked me yesterday when we were talking about what I would do if I found out my son was gay. You asked if I would want to change him and I think I replied I would want him to be happy. I think there is more to the answer than that. I also think it would be presumptuous of me to attempt to change the way God had built him. Now I wouldn't want him to be promiscuous and I wouldn't want him to be initiated into anal sex, but neither of those things would naturally have to follow because his sexual orientation happened to be primarily homosexual. I'd want him to be secure in his sexuality, whatever direction it took. I don't want him to feel like I did; that there was something to be ashamed of, to hide or to be forgiven for. I'm hopeful that if the day ever comes that he would confide such a thing to me that I would tell him exactly what I think about all that we have talked about. I would want him to have someone to share his life with that respected him, loved him and wouldn't use him. And I would do everything in my power to make sure that he wasn't mistreated because of who he was. But above everything else, I would want him to know that I love him, without question or equivocation. Sexual orientation is just one part of many facets that make each human being who they are. It is important to that individual person because sex is a vital part of our lives, but it should not be a topic of interest to everybody nor should they be derided for whom they choose to love. I know from experience that when people take drastic measures to remedy a situation that doesn't need a cure, the medicine can be much worse than the perceived malady.

Jim B

02-09-2003 05:27am

Re: A Father's Wish

Many good points. You are fortunate to have a son; your son is fortunate to have you.

All the best to you and your family.

Jim B.

(faux email address; perhaps down the road i'll share)



Re: A Father's Wish

Thanks for this site. Just discovered it by chance last night. I'm liking what I see for many reasons; frank, honest discussions, and sensitive, sexual picts interwoven with storylines.

I too worry about my sons asking me about sexual relations with men (have always been discreet-- with men mostly like myself, happily married and do not want to jeapardize relations with great wife and family). They know that I'm not the typical macho male but then neither are they. They date girls and as teenagers are somewhat homophobic. They dismiss male bonding and see man2man sex as only anal and condemn all male touching and caring as 'gay' (i.e bad).

Needless to say, our family and family discussions on sex are more like ' don't ask, don't tell'.

My first true male2male encounters were with a best bud during our teen years. It blossomed from wrestling, bantering, teasing, to hikes, skinny dipping, nude beaches. Years later, after I returned from college and he from the Marine Corps, we met and shared beers. Nothing happened between us then. (Oh, how I yearned for him and in fact still do). However, if anything I may have stopped advances from my own homophobic fears.... ya see I hadn't been with a woman as intimately (as I had with him) yet and knew subconiously that if I had more relations with men then I'd be narrowing my life experience Perhaps this is also my belief/wish for my sons; life can be so full and rich and unfortuneately I, like them, tend to correlate man 2man sex with anal sex. I've always had frotage sex with men but never knew what it was called. Hell, I just knew I loved and craved man2man straight-up front naked,cock2cock.

I should say that my having frot sex with men is something that I've had to self-psychoanalize. Have come to the conclusion that I've always had a stronger and more frequuent libido than my wife of 26 years.

Even now I pretty much believe there's 2 sexes; sexual and asexual. Sex with my wife is great and then again frotage sex with a man is equally pleasurable for different reasons

Thank you very much for your site and insightfulness. I've never been a 'kiss and tell' kind of guy but I really get aroused by men2men experiences and hearing from you in this format is comforting especially since these homoerotic feelings are off-center. Truthfully, I've never felt the urge to write or talk to any other man about my feelings towards other men.

Thanks again.



03-11-2004 2:34pm

Re: A Father's Wish

Thanks for hearing my post. My point being, I only see two sexes: sexual and asexual. I love my wife dearly and on ocassion feel the need of a male bonding that can and does lead to a mutual release of male emotion, spirit, and a certain amount of fluidity. It's not the heroic, ' I ain't no soldier'--- I'm a lover, not a fighter. With whomever I'm with it's upfront/direct contact, straight, buck naked, let's pleasure each other.

That's all I wish for my sons , and for my daughter for that matter. An honest, we need each other for some reason, I may not always say why, when where, but the how is...

I'm a lover ,not a fighter; face to face we meet head on, neither trying to screw the other.

Last couple of weeks have read All Lincoln's Men/ Lincoln's men sorry forgot the author but it struck me, Lincoln shared room and bed with another men for 4,5, 6 years??? then they both married and moved on to another part of life. It's mentioned as a possible homoerotic relation.

Lincoln's a man; and a man I admire more knowing he was 'homoerotic'....we need not box humans into so singular arenas as homosexual, black/white, gentile/jew, dem./rep., con./lib. don't get it. don't matter.


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