Bill Weintraub

Re: Gay culture, life and coming out as a teenager

4-7-2003

Hi Jack

Thank you for your post

What i see in your post is a young guy fighting acculturation into mainstream gay male culture -- for good reasons.

I want to comment on the four points you made.

1. "I may use the occasional "bitch" to describe another guy, yet at the same time, I find that drag queens and feminine men in general are a turn off."

Of course they are -- so never use the word "bitch" to describe another man -- doing that plays the analist game of butches and bitches -- and there's no reason to do that.

If someone calls you "girl" -- challenge them -- ask: "What girl? I'm a man."

Same if someone refers to himself as a girl -- say -- "I don't see any girls here."

Jack -- don't tolerate that. I know that the pressure on you to tolerate it is enormous. But don't tolerate it.

Butch-bitch will corrupt your life if you let yourself be drawn into it.

So don't do it. You're a man, you're man who loves men, and you're proud of who you are.

2. "I also admit, that if given a chance I'd be willing to try being a "bottom."

Why?

There's no reason to do that except, once again, to play the butch-bitch game -- except now you'll be the bitch.

And worse, even with a condom there's a good chance you'll be exposing yourself to HIV and HPV and whatever else is in the other guy's cum.

Fact: the rate of condom failure in *vaginal* intercourse is 20%.

And that's vaginal intercourse, which is a lot less rough on the condom than anal -- the failure rate of condoms during anal is higher.

Plus, when you bottom, you're taking the top's word for it that he's got the condom on, and that he hasn't slit it -- which a lot of guys do.

The reason you're taking his word for it is that your butthole is so insensitive it can't tell if there's a condom on the dick or not.

Some guys say -- I want to bottom once so i can find out what it feels like.

But you already know what it feels like -- it feels like you're taking a dump.

Neither your rectum nor your anus can tell the difference between a turd and a guy's dick -- they're not that sensitive, they're not genital organs, they're organs of excretion.

So when you bottom, you're risking your life to have a sensation that you've had a couple times a day every day of your life.

There's no reason to do that.

Anal penetration is dirty, dangerous, and degrading.

It's painful, every time you're penetrated there are fissures and tears, you expose yourself to HIV, anal cancer, and any other STI the sleaze fucking you may be carrying, and, like you say, he'll nail and bail -- he'll make you his bitch, give you a gift (like HIV), wipe your shit off his dick, and walk out -- chances are you'll never see him again.

But you'll have to live with the effects of what he's done the rest of your life.

Not worth it.

3. "Frottage is safer, more intimate and more exciting in every respect. I've only tried frottage once and the guy landed up shoving my hand away. That turned me off completely. I'm heavy into kissing but that also doesn't seem important in todays "nail and bail" attitude."

Jack, if you don't like nail and bail, if you want to kiss and have it mean something, you can't be promiscuous. You can't sleep around.

You say to guys, I'm into Frot, I don't do anal, I'm not promiscuous, I want to date, and we're not having sex till I'm ready to have sex.

Jack, if you sleep around, other men will treat you like someone who sleeps around -- that is, a bitch.

If you say, I'm not a bitch, I'm a man, and I'll only have sex with another man and on my terms -- your life will change.

4. "I'm not promiscious and hate the thought that so many people are getting involved with others without thinking "Where has that thing BEEN?!" I don't need to have sex with a different person every night to reinforce my beliefs, my manhood or my confidence."

That's right.

If you don't like promiscuity, don't do it.

Once again, I know the pressure on you to be promiscuous is huge -- but don't do it.

There's a culture of anal promiscuity. And the guys in that culture will try to recruit you, to get you into that culture so they can have another toy.

On a fundamental level, they don't care what happens to you. They want to use you sexually -- and then forget you.

But there's another culture. And that's the culture of this site: Frot Fidelity.

Phallic Fidelity:

The old culture of anal promiscuity is tired and will pass.

Stay clear of it, stay true to yourself, stay true to your dreams, and you'll find the man you're looking for.

Bill

gP

Re: Gay culture, life and coming out as a teenager

4-10-2003

Hey Jack,

I'm 23, so i can totally see where you're coming from. I've met plenty of guys like the ones you describe. All with their heads up their asses, literally. Too afraid to just be men, and respect their primal sexual feelings.

To express themselves as real guys do. There's nothing alluring about a twinked out teen who is dressed like a bitch. These "guys" dont know what they want, and they're not worth s**t.

I, also came out at 17, and at first it seemed great, since i accepted it so easily. But i gradually got the picture that most guys are "into" (given one picture of M2M sex) anal, and so should all guys as well.

And so called youthgroups, which offer "support" and "advice" and are "open minded" are no better than mini meat markets. They're run by twinks, no different. Into Pride marches, and BS like that.

But from this site I know that there are loads of guys who want what we do, and some are in lasting relationships as well.

So, i know now it's possible.* And what men like us need, is to publicise this site and those like it to the fullest extent.

To let those like us know that there is a REAL COMMUNITY of men, who will accept and welcome them.

And to put down anal whenever possible.

So, these are MY thoughts. They're not terribly profound, but I thought I'd share them anyway.

gP

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Do Condoms Work?

About Promiscuity, Str8 guys, Boytoys, and Men Who Love Men.

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