Into Hot Groundfights,
Not into Anal


Bill Weintraub

Into Hot Groundfights, Not into Anal


This brief note came to me via email from Warrior Marc, who is French, and who graciously gave me permission to post it:

Thanks for your welcome message. I must tell you that I agree with you and I don't appreciate particulary doing love to a man by his back (and not at all for my own ass-hole!), perhaps because I am bisexual. However, I enjoy very much cock fights between cut men in order to have hot groundfights.

Cockrub Warrior Marc aka

For those not into martial arts, training in "groundfighting" is very much part of judo and often karate as well, since most street fights end up on the ground.

I wanted to post Marc's comments because they're the sort I hear very often from bi or str8-curious men. They don't want anal -- they want JO and cock2cock/dick2dick/cockrub/Frot.

And it's not hard to understand why. They don't want the health risks, and they don't want to be feminized. What they want is a masculine way of connecting and communing with other men.

That's what we want too.

And that's why, like Warrior Sierra Mountain Man and others in this club, I sometimes avoid using the word "gay" to describe myself nowadays. Because I have more in common with a bi or str8 guy who wants to rub cocks with me, than I do with a "gay" man who wants to fuck me or have me fuck him.

So the gay male community is fracturing, while the gay male establishment remains willfully blind to what's going on.

But in a way I can't blame that establishment. Because too few of you have done what Marc just did -- made a brief, simple statement about not liking anal and wanting cock2cock.

We missed a major opportunity to have an article in POZ this fall -- because even though I asked you repeatedly to post, most of you sat on your hands.

That was a chance to reach 150,000 people -- and it's gone.

I have some hard truths for those who haven't posted yet, cause you guys have some hard choices to make. As I said in July, Cockrub Warriors is an instrument for your self-deliverance. But you aren't using it. That's incredibly stupid. It's like a gang of thugs has knocked you down and is kickin you yellin die fag die, and you've got an Uzi lying beside you but you won't pick it up.

Your silence enables the buttfuck boyz to bully you and destroy your ability to find a lover, and it also makes you invisible.

The mainstream press, gay and nongay, including the NY Times, ran article after article this summer about the resurgence in HIV infection rates among gay men. The assumption made in every one of those articles was that all gay men have anal sex -- and the Times actually used the term "anal sex" -- which was a major breakthrough, even if they missed part of the story.

Chuck Tarver and I wrote letters to many of the reporters who researched these pieces. We got a paltry response. Not surprising. Those journalists don't know you exist. How could they? You haven't told them.

Nothing is more destructive in gay men than this sort of passivity. I won't support it in this club, and I'll continue to speak out against it here and everywhere else.

A hard truth: No one's going to give you your freedom. You have to fight for it. And I don't mean cockfighting. If you're using this club to arrange cockfights for yourself, but don't have the balls to defend yourself in the public arena, you're not a warrior. You're just another frightened "gay" man.

When I put my cock against my lover's and felt his balls slam into mine, I knew what was in them - honor, truth, and unflinching courage. That's why he was my lover. How can you can expect to have and hold a lover if you don't have enough self-respect to defend yourself and the way you make love?

That's another hard truth: you have to respect yourself before anyone else will respect you.

And what about your responsibility to other gay men, who are struggling with anal culture and risking HIV and can't see a way out?

Every day 51 guys get infected through anal sex.

Not your problem, right? Maybe you think doing something about that is the job of the safer-sex establishment.

Here's a third hard truth: The safer-sex guys know, and have known for years, about the cultural pressures to have anal. Check out this quote from a December 1997 study by the SF AIDS Foundation and the "presitigious" Center for AIDS Prevention Studies (CAPS) at UCSF:

"individual formulation of gay male identity and self-worth to a significant degree was based on adherence to specific sexual performance standards and practices within gay male culture. Men in [the study] frequently described anal sex, and particularly anal sex without condoms, as a means to affirm their gay identity, experience intimacy, and feel a broader social and cultural connection."

Nice huh? "gay male identity was based on specific sexual performance standards and practices within gay male culture"

Translation: the subjects of our study believe if it's not anal it's not gay, AND it's not our job in safer-sex ed to tell them any different.

Still not your problem dude? Maybe you need to think again about the world your silence helps to maintain: the gay male shithole, riddled with disease, you're living in. The social scientists aren't going to save you - they're part of the dominant anal culture themselves. The only person who can save you is yourself.

In late August the NY Times also had an article on Ben Schatz, a former adviser to the Clinton administration who's now making a name for himself in drag. The writer of the piece (Jane Gross) had her nose about as deep up Schatz's butt as it could get, and it was disgusting. You don't see African-Americans and their white allies praising minstrel shows, and telling each other how liberating they were.

But all gay men are supposed to worship drag. Why?

Here's a fourth hard truth: You have a choice - you can continue to hide out in mainstream gay male culture, where your sexuality will be forever denigrated, your masculinity continually stripped from you, and your humanity destroyed by predatory promiscuity and its emphasis on looks fame money and race - or you can get real about your life, tell that culture to go to hell, and join your brave brothers who've posted in here and spoken the truth about their lives and their love.

But don't think you can hang forever in both camps. You can't. If you want to live - and love - you're going to have to fight.




re: Into Hot Groundfights, Not Into Anal


Hey Bill and Frotonian Brothers,

You can count me in guys, I'm not in anyway shy about stating my position on this VERY IMPORTANT subject and you can count on me to do my part, for sure !!!

Change happens slowly and needs to start AT HOME, in you, in your friends and communities. It doesn't have to be a daunting task, simply talking about Frot with a friend or a complete stranger is NOT DIFFICULT IF YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAY !!!!!!

Now as I said, I'm not a shy person by nature and don't have a problem expressing my feelings. I can appreciate that that is not the case for all of us, that's kewl, as I say change happens in you and in your communities. So get chatting with your buddies and ask the question, "have you heard about Frottage?" and take it from there. I know for some that will be a leap of faith. As a MAN into homosex exclusively I'm prepared for the negative responses, but remember Warriors, that for every action there is a reaction, YOU NEED TO ACT AND REACT IF REAL CHANGE IN OUR CULTURE IS GOING TO HAPPEN. WE HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN !!!

I'm reminded as I type this of the age-old expression. "THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES, BEGINS WITH THAT FIRST STEP !!!!!"



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