Hi all -- I am not alone!



Hi all -- I am not alone!


Intro from Bill Weintraub:

In January 2002, a number of us posted on a message board at, which bills itself as an LGBT news-source, in reference to an article which had appeared there on 12/27/2001 titled "New Year's Party Warning" (see Our Safer Sex Establishment At Work.)

Although our posts were perfectly legitimate and reasonable, the editor at 365gay became so incensed by our anti-anal, pro- Frot, message, that he first deleted all our posts, and then completely obliterated the message board itself.

There were a number of protests, after which 365gay agreed to accept two articles from me.

This letter from William Thomas was one of the offending posts which deleted.

Hi all -- I am not alone!

Hi Bill I saw your message on and wanted to reply to you. Here is what I said @

Bill I agree with you and what you have said. The pressure to have anal sex started when I first came out and started dating. That's only 10 years ago, I'm 31 now. My reaction at first was "okay I'm finally really gay", the first time was the last time for me. The pain was unbelievable and I had to have surgery to repair an anal fissure (tare in the anal sphincter) caused by the penetration. So I understand and know quite well that anal sex is not all that it's cracked up to be. So I have moved on in my exploration of my sexuality and have found frottage, oral and mutual masturbation to be the most erotic of experiences, forgot the sensual kiss, love that one too.

Meditation is something that is also a way of harnessing your sexual energy and it's been my experience that meditation before I have sex with my partner is the BEST SEX.

So I just wanted to share that with you and the other guys here at Has anyone else had a similar experience as me, let me know.


Bill Weintraub

Re: Hi All - I am not alone!


This was the reply I posted to Wm on on 1/10/02 -- and which, like the rest of our posts, was deleted by 365gay -- for more about that, see the PS to this post.

Hey William

Thank you for your very beautiful post.

Your experience -- of coming out and being pressured to have a sort of sex that you didn't want and didn't solicit -- is a very common one.

Through my website I've collected over a hundred [now more than 3000] "oral histories" -- first-person, true-life accounts from guys like yourself, including guys who sero-converted from just one unwanted episode of anal sex.

The stories are remarkably alike: "I was never into anal, I came out, I was pressured to do anal, I did it (once, a few times, a lot), I never really liked it."

"But the pressure to have anal continued. So I" -- and here the stories differ -- "became celibate, went back into the closet, married a woman, gave up on ever finding a partner into what I liked..."

"Or insisted on having sex my way."

That last option is relatively rare -- most people are simply not strong enough to resist the demands of mainstream gay male anal culture and peer pressure, and so have unwanted anal sex.

Which I did too.

So the evidence is there -- but somehow we need to get the rest of the gay male world, including the safer-sex establishment, to pay attention to it and what it means.

Sean Strub -- founder of POZ -- agrees with me about the pressure to have anal -- we've discussed it via email. But Sean won't force Walter Armstrong, editor of POZ, to do a story -- and Walter's very resistant.

William, I also want to support what you said about meditation and sex. Joe Kramer and Oakland's Body Electric School teach a wonderful form of gay tantric (non-ejaculatory) meditative sex that tremendously heightens the pleasure and connection of full-body phallus-to-phallus sex.

And you can always have an orgasm later :-)

Thank you again for your post


Bill Weintraub wouldn't allow me to post the links to Joe's site, our sites, etc., and deleted all of our posts in a shameful and deceitful way a couple days later.

You can follow some of the history of that in the post titled " Message Board -- Anal Sex -- It Kills."

Eventually, after a great deal of protest, 365Gay did accept two articles from me:

Is Gay Sex Trying Too Hard to be Straight?; and,

Do Gay Men Have to be Promiscuous?

-- but as of today -- 3/12/02 -- they're refusing to run a third which is more openly critical of anal and the safer-sex establishment.

So it's literally two steps forward and one back.


Re: Hi All - I am not alone!


Hi William. Hey good to see you here dude. Your posting was AWESOME. That took some guts to type that and I for one really appreciate your honesty.

I've had an anal fissure before and I know the pain you went through after surgery, not a pleasant experience!!

Two thumbs up for you William for holding your ground and saying NO TO ANAL SEX!

It's really AWESOME to see you here and a thanks for becoming a member. You'll find you're in good company!!

Take care buddy, thanks again for sharing with us your experience.



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