A huge mistake



A huge mistake


Thanks for the site. I took some time last night before going to bed and really read the philosophies noted here. I particularly was interested in the safety of the acts.

About a year ago, I made a huge mistake and had unprotected sex; contracted Hepatitis B. I had no symptoms but after a year with no treatment, I began to show signs of liver disease. To make a long story short, I am now on the national waiting list for a liver transplant ... all due to one stupid act.

Ever since my prognosis, I have been asking myself why I submitted to something that really gave me no immediate pleasure and was very uncomfortable.

All along my sexual pleasures have usually been mutual masterbation, touching, kissing and fondling, and some hot man to man contact without penetration.

I can't go back and correct the wrong, but I can encourage others that safety is and should be paramount. Thanks for this site so that I can share it with others.



Re: A huge mistake


hey Michael...

first off i am glad that you found this site...and i am terribly sorry about your current circumstance...i hope and pray that you will receive a healthy liver...and hopefully your experience will be educational for other men who come to this site and read your post...

i work with emotionally disturbed boys in massachusetts...and a large number of them have been anally raped...some of these are infected with Hep...AIDS and other such diseases...on top of the psychological damage done to them by the rapists who violated them...

be strong brother...and think postively...and if you ever need to talk about email is down below this post...

as for other brothers...Michael's post demonstrates the importance of the M2M alliance...other young guys are out there succumbing to the BFD because they dont know that there are alternatives to anal...and that there is support for them resisting anal...some of these guys will be cajoled into the boys i work with...are just going to be flat out raped...because that is the mentality of analists...they know what they want and they will take it by any means...guilt and force being highly effective...

Michael i applaud you for speaking out in this a time of uncertainty for you...

peace and love



Re: A huge mistake


Hey Joel,

Thank you!

I've already received several emails today in response to my first post. It makes me feel really good that someone would take the time to commend me and encourage me.

My life has taken a 360 just because of the one time and I don't want anyone to go through what I am going through.

One of the worse things about becoming ill is the abandonment of your friends. That hurts the most.

Then there are the meds that have side effects that change your body and your bodies capabilities. It can lead to deep depression.

What I am experiencing is terrible simply because once Hep B is contracted, there is no cure. It can be managed if caught in time, but since I exhibited no symptoms at all and didn't receive treatment, I was subjecting my liver to deteriorating functionality with even the foods I was eating. I used to be a social drinker so the intake of those alcoholic beverages over a one year period really accelerated the liver disease.

The wait for the donor is another depression factor, especially in light of the facts. There are appx. 25,000 people on the national liver transplant list, however, each year only about 11,000 people follow through with their donor directive at the time of their death. That really stacks the odds against you. The match must also meet criteria of size, blood type, location, etc. and be transplanted within 24 hours after harvest.

Many people do not donate the gift of life, so one of my causes is volunteering with the Donor Services Agency in educating and recruitng donors. Espcially educating people to discuss their wishes with their family and loved ones. It can be a very difficult decision for the family or partner if it has not been discussed beforehand, especially if the death is accidental and unexpected.

Unfortunately I know that the guys on this site will encounter others who disregard the facts and live in danger. I commend you for your efforts with frottage as an alternative, actually to some of us an even more intense sexual experience than penetration. I have encountered guys that just did not understand where I was coming from when I wouldn't let things go any further than touch, kissing, cuddling, types of contact. They just could not see the erotic nature of the act. I know many of you must have encountered similar situations.

Thanks for letting me share with you a little more of my story.

Please feel free to reference my experiences at any time to those you need to educate. In other words, I do not mind being used as an example of what danger can occur. I do at least have my life for the time being, and hopefully through transplant I will be able to continue that life.

But is this the price anyone would want to pay, simply for a lay? I think not.



Re: A huge mistake


here brothers is a testament of true warrior courage in the face of great odds and potential defeat...Michael does not give in...this is what i meant by patience in a previous post...he knows he has to be patient...but he does something while he waits...he could easily succumb to despair but he doesnt...he moves on and looks for ways to do something positive in this time of crisis...this is what it means to be a warrior...

if i had half the courage that Michael has i would be a far better is a guy who took a risk and it caught him...but he doesnt blame others...he takes responsibility for whis mistake...and he takes responsibility to use himself as an example of that other wont have to make it themselves...again a trait of a warrior...

Michael...i know that this time for you must be very difficult...but keep focused onthe good work that you are doing to help yourself and others...i admire you...and respect you...

in your honor i write this post...

your brother

peace and love



Re: A huge mistake



I'm sorry to read about what happened to you and hope that it will all work out in the end. Thank you for sharing your brief, poignant, and personal story--that took courage.

In My True Story you inspired me to tell others of my experience, which involved my brother. I hope they will read it and know that when they make a choice it can take them down a certain path. I escaped, not unscathed, as I contacted some sexually transmitted diseases (STD) which, luckily were cureable. My brother was not as lucky. It was brave of you to share and I know that many will be helped and inspired.

We can all be advocates as Joel is and as you are. Tonight at 4:00am I will get on a bus with sixty other teachers advocating for better funding for CHIPS and other social programs for the disadvantaged, poor, and special needs children. The drive to our state capital will take ten hours. Then after meeting legislators we'll drive back for ten hours. It'll be worth the half hour of meeting with our legislators.

All warriors know that destruction is the last resort and building up the first choice. You've chosen to build others up with your words. That takes courage and because of people like yourself I joined man2man. We can all help others sexually, politically, spiritually, and mentally. Thank you for your words of courage. Take care of yourself and other good things will follow.



Frotacious Luis

Bill G

Re: A huge mistake



Thank you for your post, it takes a lot of courage to go through what you are at this time. I commend you. Many years ago a friend of mine needed a kidney transplant, and while no where near the severity of what you are going through, I still witnessed the toll the drugs and anxiety (sp?) took on him. Thankfully he was able to get a transplant and I hope that your will be able to also.

Thank you again for sharing your courage with all of us!

Bill G


Re: A huge mistake


Let me add to the 'mistake list' mate!

In my quest for same sex love I really became promiscuious. Many men took advantage of me when I was first experimenting. Somewhere along the way I contracted HIV and I really dont know exactly what I dd to get it as I always used condoms the few times I have anal sex. If only I knew the simple pleasures of frot back then! Its such a shame and even though I am on medication and healthy at the moment who knows what my life could have been withouth this annoying restricting disease!PLease dont give in to anal sex pressure guys and dont be promiscuious! Retain your boyhood dreams of one monogomous boyfriend!!

Let me say this site is a HUGE relief as this is what I have been looking for. This site represents a mindset that can change a generation! We must get this message out. Spam the world with links I say! ALL men should be set free from their shackles of guilt for same sex attraction, Rid our culture of the words gay bi and straight- they are KILLING us!

Please dont hesitate to email me- especially if you are in Adelaide Australia and looking for a nice sexy monogomous 37yo boyfriend!! :D


Bill Weintraub

Re: A huge mistake


Thank you Nick.

I'm sorry you contracted HIV, but glad you're doing well, and very glad you're among us now.

Sadly, you and Mike are not the only guys in the Alliance who've been infected with one disease or another through unwanted anal.

But the gay male media won't talk about you.


Your story is every bit as valid as a barebacker's or bugchaser's.

Yet we've got a media watch page on this site full of their stories, and not one story about you.

Why not?




If you were infected, or your lover died, or he walked out on you, or your life has been made hell in any other way by the buttfuckboyz and the shitsex brigade -- get angry.

And take action.

Here are some things you can do:

1. Write your local gay paper about *your* experience, about Frot, and about the Alliance.

Include the site URL:

If they won't run the letter -- demand to know why.

Also write to your local alternative paper -- in some cases, they're more likely to publish you than the gay paper -- and to your local daily newspaper.

2. If you have an AIDS Service Organization (ASO) with a website in your town, ask them to put up a link to the Alliance.

If they refuse, ask them why.

And ask them what they're doing to:

Promote non-anal alternatives; and

Empower men who don't want to do anal.

Make plain to your ASO that you get pressured constantly to do anal; and demand to know what they're doing to make that unacceptable behavior in your community.

Unwanted anal penetration is rape.

If you're on a date, it's date rape.

Even if the guy's your lover, if you say "no," it's still a case of rape.

Rape is illegal, rape is a crime, and it should be totally unacceptable in the gay and bi community.

What's your ASO doing about it?

3. Post the URL of the site

wherever appropriate on the web.

Including blogs.

4. Many of you have profiles on the big dating / hookup sites like outinamerica and gay dot com.

But most of you don't say "Frot" and "" in your profile.

Why not?

Because you're afraid that saying "Frot" will eliminate potential partners.

But what kind of partners?

The kind that will give you HIV and hepatitis.


Read through the list of anally-transmitted diseases in an anus is not a vagina, note that a CONDOM WILL NOT ALWAYS PROTECT YOU and for many you don't even need to be penetrated; and then,

Add the words Frot and to your profile.

5. Get involved in starting a Regional Chapter of Frot Men / The Man2Man Alliance in your town.

Beagle Jones is doing that in Portland OR.

It takes some work, but it's a great way to meet other Frot men and to make a true difference in the lives of all men who have sex with men.



Once again, we're speeding toward the first of the month without enough money to pay for the sites.

And I can guarantee you that Nick "stumbled" on this site.

That must change.

We cannot be dependent on the likes of Larry Kramer throwing us a crumb once every five years on gay dot com and then running away because we reject effeminacy.

What he's doing is putting a point that's dear to a handful of gender feminists -- and no one else -- ahead of saving gay and bi male lives.

And the lives of women who get infected by gay and bi men.

That's really fucked up.

But you know what?

We could spend another five years debating the issue with Larry and Germaine Greer.

Or we can take control of our own lives, and raise the money necessary to reach the men who need to hear our message.

Are you going to be the next Nick?

Or Mike?

You don't really like anal, but it's hard to meet guys, and this guy was really hot and seemed really nice, and he said he was really into you, and he said he would use a condom.

So you let him fuck you, and now he's out of your life, and you've got hepatitis or HIV or anal warts or herpes or LGV -- and it's your problem.

Cause it's your anus, your rectum, your blood stream, your liver, your immune system, your life.

No one else's.

Guys, I know this thread has really touched a nerve.

And that's because so many of you are leading lives which are dangerous and which you don't want to lead.

And that in turn is because of the pressure exerted on you by the buttfuck boyz and their literally fucked-up, literally shitty, analist culture.

The Man2Man Alliance is the one force which stands against them and offers you a true and genuine alternative.

Help the Alliance, and help yourself.

Stop doing anal, stop being promiscuous, and start supporting the Alliance in meaningful and substantial ways.

Fight back.

Save your life.




-- Oscar Vallejo



Re: A huge mistake


I just found this site and read your post. Im so sorry for what you have to go through. I am praying you receive your new liver and a long life thereafter. Mike, your post may have saved my life. I have been considering anal intercourse for awhile now. But after reading your post (and realizing from other postings here that what I am truly looking for is a brother and true friend) I have decided to give up a quest for anal in favor of the more noble frot.

Thanks again for your courage, Michael. I hope this post finds you well.

Peace from a warrior


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