Reply from Bill Weintraub:

Hey Joe,

Thank you for writing to me and for your kind words about my work and our sites.

I'm glad they've resonated and been meaningful for you.

Joe, I'm very sorry that you lost Jimmy.

I know that such losses are terrible to bear.

Let's take a look:

Thank you for you web site. I am straight

Right.

Joe, you're not truly straight, because no one is.

You're what we call "straight-identified."

The categories -- gay, straight, bi -- of "sexual orientation" -- are very misleading, and serve only to put men into boxes -- boxes which are neither accurate nor helpful.

but lost a very close friend (Jimmy) to suicide. We were very close during our teen and young adult years. During our adolescent years we would masturbate

Right.

Joe, that's very common -- very common among adolescents.

It's completely normal and natural.

and trade blowjobs,

That's a little bit more adventuresome, but not a big deal.

but we never came in each others mouths.

I understand.

Later in our late teens and early 20's we would fuck these 2 girls who had an apartment together all the time. Life was good!

Right.

Again, lots of guys enjoy fucking a woman in the company of a buddy who's doing the same.

It's male.

Very male.

Normal and natural male behavior.

Time went on, I got married, and Jimmy never seemed to move on.

I understand.

About 17 years ago, he committed suicide and I've never gotten over it.

Yes.

Again, Joe, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I hope you'll accept my sympathy.

I've often fantasized about making love to him again. The pain of suicide never subsides.

Yes.

Joe, I've lost people to suicide.

Suicide in my experience is usually the result of mental illness.

I don't know what happened with Jimmy, but often such mental illness develops in late adolescence or early adulthood.

And Joe, sadly, there's probably nothing you could have done to save him.

Mental illness is really tough.

Since I'm not involved in the gay scene and I don't know if my invention would be valid, but, I imagine Jimmy fucking my dick (in a missionary position with both of our dicks inside of an artificial pussy) with the bottom of his shaft sliding back and forth on the bottom of my dick so that our frenulums are continuously rubbing each other. (creative frot)

Right.

Actually, that's basic Frot:

Frenulum against frenulum.

(I notice that all of the frot on your web site is basically two cocks rubbing together with a hand assisting.)

Sometimes.

You don't really need the hand -- certainly not all the time.

Frot purists, like Eros V

Art by Eros V

generally depict and enjoy hands-free Frot.

And that's the way I've most often done Frot in my own life.

Just lying one on top the other or embracing standing up is often enough to keep the cocks in constant contact.

That's been true for me with both my long-term partners, Brett and Patrick.

But a hand and / or a fist -- are fine too.

Anyways, the double-dicking -- two cocks in one pussy -- fantasy -- is also very common, and many many guys find it very very hot.

I suspect all guys do.

But we'll say many many for now.

Anyways, the point is, you don't need the "artificial pussy" -- as you described it -- but hey, if you enjoy that fantasy, it's fine.

If you and Jimmy, as adolescents, had ever put your cocks together and rubbed -- you would have gone crazy with it.

It's incredibly intense.

I think that I would cum pretty quickly and would be incredibly satisfied by the experience.

Oh yeah.

Cum more than once Joe.

I sure wish that I could have rubbed dicks with Jimmy and had us shoot mega loads of hot cum.

The things we tend to regret in life are the things that we don't do! Life is short. Live it.

Right.

Unfortunately, Joe, guys -- Men -- who miss out on erotic opportunities with a buddy often experience a lifetime of regret.

We have a post up about that -- AGOGE III: The Longing for Masculinity -- in which we discuss the World War II memoir of a man named Douglas Allanbrook.

Allanbrook's entire life was darkened by his failure to share a bed with a fellow solider, whom he greatly liked, shortly before they went into battle --

a battle in which the other soldier was killed.

Here's how Professor John Ibson describes it in his book, Picturing Men:

Although their association had other moments of closeness, regret over his failure to accept this particular offer of intimacy seems paradigmatic, the essential controlling emotion of the rest of Allanbrook's life: "I had not answered then and never would or could. Was that voice, calling out my name, to be forever the guarantor of my loneliness, the only permanence granted or even possible, even though it had no substance and no existence except as a source of infinite regret? Was love to be forever linked to what was no longer and perhaps had never been?" A sense of unrealized possibility permeates Allanbrook's memoir ...

"a sense of unrealized possibility" -- I hear that in your letter too, Joe.

So, and again, unfortunately, this is a common occurence among Men who are prevented, in our society, from expressing and acting on their completely normal and natural same-sex needs and desires.

In other eras and in other societies, Joe, you and Jimmy would have had a lifelong relationship.

Independent of any relationships you may have had with women.

PS Have any guys tried anything like this?

Joe, I'm not sure what you're asking.

If you're asking about two dicks in one pussy -- it's a really common fantasy.

Of course, you'd have to find a woman who'd be willing to go with it.

Women have told me that they think that's a hot fantasy too.

Some women.

So I suspect that somewhere, sometime -- it's happened.

Thanks....Joe (straight guy with gay fantacies)

Right.

Joe, you're just a guy.

Guys fantasize about guys.

Guys have sex with guys.

Always have.

Always will.

It's really common.

It's normal.

It's natural.

And in societies which lack a divine prohibition against it, it's more or less open and virtually universal.

Guys do a lot of guy sex.

Our culture has changed guy sex from an activity -- into a condition.

In my opinion, that's the result of an historical force we call heterosexualization.

And it's something we discuss a lot on the site -- particularly recently -- in the last year or so.

So I encourage you to read on the site -- particularly in Personal Stories.

The point is that if you stop thinking of sex between men as a condition -- "being gay" or "homosexuality" -- and simply as an activity -- sex -- it becomes a lot less loaded.

You and Jimmy liked each other.

You probably loved each other.

And you expressed it in sexual activity together.

Which was fun and felt really great.

Joe, it's not just human males who do that.

Animals do it too:

Frot among the animals

If you read that article, you'll see that male-dolphin and male-human adolescents have a very similar pattern of bonding through sex.

Of loving each other and expressing it sexually.

So -- hopefully -- you can, in your own life, free yourself from the box of gay/straight.

And just be a guy.

A Man.

Because as a Man -- you have a right to have sex with another Man --without getting put in a box or labeled or anything else.

Sex with another Man is as much your right as a Man -- as sex with a Woman.

You have a right to both.

Bill Weintraub

April 26, 2008

© All material Copyright 2008 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.

Related posts:

Warriorhood and Male Intimacy

Sex Between Men: An Activity, Not a Condition