So Alone in My Love:
A Missouri Warrior Speaks
I felt so alone in my love for other men
and in the way I wanted to show my love.

Dear fellow warrior,

This is a remarkable autobiographical statement from the brave man I call Warrior Missouri. In it, we can see, with startling clarity, how the effects of the Buttfuck Dictatorship and the Heterosexual Dictatorship are the same: brutally destructive.

For here we see an innocent childhood dream of sexuality destroyed by a gay male culture dominated by anal sex.

And a man so demoralized by that destruction that he chooses hetero marriage.

Although like so many other true-life accounts from guys into frot, this is a sad story, I see in it the glimmer of a happy ending, and I'll talk about that below.
I've divided Warrior Missouri's account into five parts: childhood, adolescence, adult gay life, marriage, and afterwards.
So Alone in My Love:
A Missouri Warrior Speaks
Warrior Missouri
I am a complete stranger to you, but after I read your story THE FIGHT, then went on to read about you and Brett and cockrubbing, I feel as if we are joined in spirit


I am a 48yo white male and I've been gay as long as I can remember....from the first experience I had with a neighbor teenager "god".  I was about six or seven, he was seventeen.  I don't feel as if I were molested; he helped to open my eyes about my sexuality.  And the sex we had?  Cock rubbing.  Now, you may ask, "What pleasure could a 17yo teenager get from rubbing cocks with a little boy my age?"  To be honest, I don't know what pleasure he received, but he was rock hard and I even got to stand and watch him jack off and shoot a big load of cum.  This was the first of many great times I had with this young man.  And as I said, this, to me, was not (and still is not) a case of child molestation; but a time of great memories.


When I was in high school, my mom re-married and the guy had a son and daughter.  The son was blond/blue.  We fought a lot...that's what step-brothers do -- right???  We both loved to have on our tight jeans, no shoes or socks and no shirt....and roll around gut-punching each other and pressing our bodies hard against the other.  Then, one night, he and I got into a wrestling match in the privacy of  our bedroom.  We rolled around on the floor, arms and legs tangled together, switching the "top" position.  I was hard in my jeans and I could feel his hardness thro his.  In one of our "rolling" exchanges, he ended up on top and started grinding his crotch into mine.  I rolled him over and did the same.  This went on ... back and forth...each being on top...each grinding the other; until his sister blew into our room much to our chagrin.  But later that night, when we'd all gone to bed......he climbed into my bed and we went at it again...first with nothing but our jockey briefs, then totally nude. 

We did this for the next few years, even after his biological mother got custody of him and his sister. 

They'd come and visit every other weekend and every Friday and Saturday night, either his bed or mine would be the "hotspot" for our cock to cock grinding ending up with both of us spreading our luv juice between our stomachs. 

His father became ill...ended up taking his life and I've not seen or heard from my step-brother in years.  I often wonder what he's doing and if he remembers our hot, sweaty entanglements.  He understood what it was to only want frottage sex and no anal, and I miss him.  He was a step-bro but my best friend.

And I really loved him because he loved me and we both loved frottage a lot.  We could hardly wait until everyone went to bed so we could have our fun together!  But after his dad hung himself I only saw him one other time.  I miss him a lot.  I remember the day of the funeral, he and I were in the bedroom and I just hugged him and held him close and cried with him in his pain.  I think we kissed because we knew it was over for us.  I don't even know if he's alive today or not.  I'd love to find him, even if it was just to talk.


I have, since then, had a few other meetings with other men, but very few just wanted to rub cocks with me until we unloaded.  It always came down to "Let me fuck you"......which I would do, but hated every second of itI felt so alone in my love for other men and in the way I wanted to show my love


In fact, I felt so alone, that I fought to push those feelings aside and married a woman eight years my senior who was a virgin; but not of my own accord.  I let peer pressure and the fear of being revealed to my family, friends and the small town we lived in, make a decision for me that lead down a path of ruination for over 26 years.  The bright spot is that I have a son (who is straight but I don't hold this against him).


I have, since then, left my wife and gotten a divorce; but am a lonely person.  I feel I am running out of time because of my age.  I want a lover (masculine man) who is like Brett was.....someone who would enjoy the thrill, heat, complete and total exhaustion to the joyous end of the culmination of our cum by rubbing our cocks together I just don't think there's anyone out there for least someone to whom I'd be attracted. 
Anyway, I just had to write and thank you for sharing part of your life, your intimacy through your stories.

It lifted my spirits and let me know that I'm not an abnormal homosexual

Thank you so very much. 
With deepest regards,
Warrior Missouri
Bill's Note:

In Warrior Missouri's life we can see 5 stages:

1. As a young boy, he's introduced to cockrub by an older boy.

2. As an adolescent, he has a wonderful cockrub relationship with his step-brother.

3. As a young man, he comes out, and, ironically, finds himself, probably for the first time in his life, among men who don't accept his love of frot, but instead force him to have anal sex.

4. Faced with this rejection of his erotic essence, he gives in to the other sexual dictatorship, the overwhelming force of heterosex, and marries, unhappily.

5. Now in his forties, he finds the strength to divorce, come out again, this time as a man into frot, and begin his search for a bone on bone lover.

One thing we can see very explicitly in Warrior Missouri's story is the relationship between the Heterosexual Dictatorship and the Buttfuck Dictatorship. They are BOTH tyrannies, seeking to shape and control desire, and as such forcing men into abnormal lives.

In his last email to me, Warrior Missouri said to me that the only thing he had to be ashamed of was that he had given in to peer pressure and married. But that's nothing to be ashamed of. Human beings are social animals. We are vulnerable to peer pressure. We're supposed to be.

That's why Chuck Tarver has been focusing on peer pressure to have anal sex among young Black gay men. Because it's a very big problem, and people like Teddy Snyder who say it's not are lying.

But there's also an heroic side to Warrior Missouri's story. Because he came out again, and sought out frottage sites, and now has the courage to post on those sites in a way that helps his brothers.

Phallic, masculine, heroic - Warrior Missouri is a true cockrub warrior, brave, loyal, true to his comrades.

It's an honor to know him.

Warrior Missouri's email address and website are:

PS Warrior Missouri posted the adolescent part of this story himself in the Personal Stories section of Warriors Speak under Cockrubbing Before It Was Cockrubbing Many people responded to that post, so be sure to check it out.



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