Of Soldiers...



Of Soldiers...


My Mother was a fine, gracious lady called Joan. Mum was fine until about 5 months ago, when she started feeling extreme exhaustion - the doctor thought it was just diabetes, but a month later, routine blood tests showed that she was seriously ill. Mum passed away peacefully, in a hospice, due to cancer last Saturday morning at 02:00am, GMT.

I live in London, UK. You may know how "stretched" and badly resourced our British National Health System has become. I had to fight many battles on behalf of my Mum in order to secure the best care for her. I did my best. As a result of all my "discussions" with nurses and doctors, Mum called me "her little soldier". And no greater honour will ever be afforded me.

Bill, I just wanted you to know how important your site was to me. At the time I first surfed onto it and posted my mail about my Scots partner, I was in a very, very dark and lonely place - my partner was also away from the UK which made things even worse.

Your amazing site was so full of comradeship - with its warrior / soldier ethic - that it both warmed my soul and distracted me with its deep masculine sensuality. Your site gave me plenty of hot distraction at a time when I really needed it.

As a gay man, I have often (privately) thought of myself as a Soldier - and your site connected me to that feeling even more. And then to have my Mum call me "her soldier" tied me into that feeling even more, giving me the strength to fight the system in order to keep her quality of care assured. I didn't always win those battles, but I won most of them and made sure that the nursing staff didn't always forget the sweet woman in their care (which they were apt to do at times due to pressure of work in the hospital). I did my very best for her.

Thanks for your site, Bill. And thanks to all the guys who've posted all those hot posts. Please give my regards to the Sensei.

Hugz & Best regards


Bill Weintraub

Re: Of Soldiers...


i thank Mike for this poignant post and once again send him my and the Sensei's heartfelt sympathy

like Mike, i often thought of myself as a soldier/warrior, and in my early adult years found an outlet for those feelings in gay activism and self-defense training and karate

but also like Mike, i know that my sense of myself as a warrior was greatly heightened by the five years i spent taking care of my first lover Brett, who died of AIDS

as Mike said, healthcare resources are often in short supply, and, unfortunately, one must sometimes fight to ensure that one's loved one gets the best possible care

doing that, and staying the course with a loved one through the terrible ups and downs of a fatal illness, changes and strengthens one's sense of self, and for gay men in particular can often serve as proof that the larger culture's dismissal of them as cowardly and ineffectual is false

in addition, caregiving is often a bonding experience, and may provide something of the sense of what soldiers experience in battle

sociobiologists and anthropologists tell us that human beings in couples and/or groups alternate between the poles of fusion and fission

and we're all aware of those tendencies in our own lives

in good times, human groups will tend to break apart, as individuals pursue advantages wherever they may find them -- that's fission

but when times are bad -- during natural catastrophes or acts of terror for example -- people will pull together -- that's fusion

and that's true, as i've said, for couples as well as for groups

for Brett and I were never more bonded than when we were dealing with an outside threat, whether that threat was homophobia or HIV disease

and that's what soldiers experience in war -- an extreme and reciprocal altruism, in which a soldier will give up his life to save his buddies

and that too is why soldiers so often speak of loving their comrades

and in a sense i suspect that's what happened with Mike and his mom

they were soldiers together

so while i regret Mike's loss, i'm glad that he, with his mother's loving help and understanding, was able to emerge stronger from the experience


Re: Of Soldiers...


My love goes out to you Mike from another London warrior.

As your post resonates with me at the deepest level of my current life experience ... I humbly notate my thoughts after reading yur post.

Your post emits an energy and power which resides in men, yet which is cloaked by the 'emporers new clothes' that we call contemporary gay life.

Not just to our closest blood relatives ... but to our loves have we shown our soldier-like steadfastness, nurturing, nursing ... sharing life and death.

These primal, male, human gifts have been a testament to the integrity of 'gay' men. It is saddening indeed, to see them today overshadowed by myopic adherence to the 'beautiful life'. A soldier ... for the aid of his love ... embraces and endures the totality of mortal reality. Gaining strength from love and wisdom from the experience of knowing death and loss as a part of life ... and living on.

Of soldiers ...

We often talk sternly and fervently about the 'anal mob mentality' ... I do ... I like to talk as stridently as they do.

Through my work and research ... this site and the interactions and catalysts it gives me ... I am evolving an integrity of purpose which informs and underpins my interaction with the BFD and the attendant gay media and organisations.

A soldier/warrior of frot and cockrub. A phallicentric male in the mythical sense.

As I've said before ... take up the cause and be proactive. It's the only way. I'm publishing my book in a month or so ... it feels mighty lonlely sticking my head above the parapet ... I don't see too many other heads.

Thank god I made it to see Bill this Sept past. His handshake and beaming eyes ... our mutual understanding ... appreciation of the event. Two human men ... at the same point on the planet for just brief hours. Then off to our several paths. Affirming interlude over.

We made it happpen. Make something happen.

It's good to talk ... as always




Warriors Speak is presented by The Man2Man Alliance, an organization of men into Frot

To learn more about Frot, ck out What's Hot About Frot

Or visit our FAQs page.

Warriors Speak Home

Cockrub Warriors Site Guide

The Man2Man Alliance

Heroic Homosex

Frot Men


Frot Club

Personal Stories

| What's Hot About Frot | Hyacinthine Love | THE FIGHT | Kevin! | Cockrub Warriors of Mars | The Avenger | Antagony | TUFF GUYZ | Musings of a BGM into Frot | Warriors Speak | Ask Sensei Patrick | Warrior Fiction | Frot: The Next Sexual Revolution |
| Heroes Site Guide | Toward a New Concept of M2M | What Sex Is |In Search of an Heroic Friend | Masculinity and Spirit |
| Jocks and Cocks | Gilgamesh | The Greeks | Hoplites! | The Warrior Bond | Nude Combat | Phallic, Masculine, Heroic | Reading |
| Heroic Homosex Home | Cockrub Warriors Home | Heroes Home | Story of Bill and Brett Home | Frot Club Home |
| Definitions | FAQs | Join Us | Contact Us | Tell Your Story |

© All material on this site Copyright 2001 - 2010 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.