Introductory note from Bill Weintraub, founder of Cockrub Warriors and Heroic Homosex:

What follows are a series of posts and emails written by a man named Pete in the UK.

In his posts, Pete describes how, in puberty, he felt bedeviled by a combination of very strong sexual feelings towards both men and women and a strict religious upbringing which taught him to suppress and repress his homosexual feelings.

Peter further describes how, as a teen, a number of specific situations would result in erections, including watching fights between women, and fights between men, and actually fighting with men.

Eventually, Peter discovered cock-fighting, and was involved in two very brutal fist and cockfights with a rival, an aggressive and unpleasant bully who clearly provoked these fights.

The second of these fights is described in detail in this post. Because it was very violent -- and even though no lasting harm was done to either participant - I'm pointing out the following:

1. Heroic Homosex, Cockrub Warriors, and I, Bill Weintraub, do not endorse any form of sexual activity which has the potential to harm its participants.

2. Nor do my sites or myself encourage men to be involved in the sort of cockfight described by Pete, which was overtly hostile and which involved the potentially harmful use of straps to prolong and intensify erections.

3. Further, the focus of my work and my sites is not cock combat per se, but phallus-to-phallus sex (frot) in a variety of forms, most of them non-combative, others only minimally so, and all decidedly sensuous and affiliative - not hostile or painful.

So -- the purpose of my sites and my work is to empower men into frot and break the deathgrip of anal sex on the culture of men who have sex with men.

And in doing that work, I and some of the men on my sites have become aware of our common experience of what I've termed our natural male sex aggression, which causes us, like Pete, to get sexually aroused by various forms of fighting, and often evokes desires to have experiences that are both sexual and combative.

However, the men on our sites are not sexually violent -- they don't wish to harm their sexual partners. What we seek is a safe, hot and celebratory cock2cock experience, sometimes in the context of a strenuous physical contest with another man, which ultimately strengthens the bonds between men.

Nor are we interested in totally dominating another man, as happens in the "wrestle-for-top" scenario that ends with one man being anally penetrated by another.

The men on this site reject anal penetration and those extreme forms of domination and submission, which too often speak to a desire to humiliate or be humiliated.

In the true-life story you're about to read, however, two 19 year olds from sexually repressive environments do have a brutal and very hostile cockfight.

As you'll also read, Pete, the author of these posts, was able to move on from that experience to an adult life in which he was fully and comfortably bisexual, and in which his sexual life with men centered around forms of frot, including friendly cockfights.

It would appear that his antagonist, Hugo, whose compulsive bullying suggests a man suffering from a severe personality disorder, was not able to do that.

So the story of their fight needs to be understood in the context of Pete's sexually repressive and conflicted upbringing, his interaction and need to deal decisively with a dangerous bully, and the rest of Pete's life as a masculine, creative, and bisexual man.

I encourage you therefore to read the entire post.

Finally, this is an important post for our club.

In its discussion of very aggressive straight-identified men using their cocks as overt weapons, of Pete's subsequent friendlier cockfights with buds, sometimes in front of women and sometimes not, and of his sexual attitudes in general, it breaks new ground for the club, and helps bring issues about aggression and bisexuality to the forefront of our discussions.

For these reasons, I've posted a reply at the end of this story which looks in more depth at the issues of masculinity, sex, and aggression, and examines the meaning and role of cock-fighting.

Pete's is a long post, which for convenience I've divided into separate parts, but once again I encourage you to read all of it, and to remember that

This personal story and this page are protected by copyright. They may NOT be reproduced, whole or in part. Webmasters and hard copy publishers must contact Bill Weintraub for permission to reproduce this material or any other part of this HeroicHomosex site.

Personal Reflections




I've recently discovered this website and after reading some of the posts in here about how fighting has caused erections I don't feel so much like a freak. It's not so intense now, although I do still get a huge 'hard on' if I watch a fight.

As a young man I was unsure of my sexuality and I had had little control of my penis since puberty exploded on me. I found life rather confusing and frightening after that. I was painfully shy and had difficulty getting a girlfriend and I was strongly attracted to other boys. A strict Christian upbringing however taught me that it was 'wrong' to want sexual encounters with those of my own gender.

Spontaneous erections steadily became a real problem and could last for hours.

For example, traveling on a bus, or in a car was a problem for me. The vibration of the engine would cause erections that could last the entire length of the journey, later on, made worse by 'soaking' my pants. My mother despaired and said it was quite normal and that I would grow out of it, nonetheless repression set in. I did not know that I was considered as 'above average' in terms of cock size (about 5.5 - 6 inches flaccid) until I began showering with other boys after sports. Some were fascinated, others laughed and that was before water playing on my cock began to affect me. It might have been physiological, or it might have been psychological, - I just don't know, but I know it made my sensitive, self-conscious, teenage life difficult and caused me to retreat more into myself and also to become moody and violent.

I soon discovered that I got a strong sexual kick out of watching fights, whether they were on film, or in real life, women, or men. I just got unbearably horny. Then I began getting into fights myself and the act of fighting would give me such an erection I got on a high. I realized being turned on by violence was not right, but by now I did not care.

By the time I was 19 and at college (in 1976) I was a sexually mature, extremely virile and sexually potent, volatile angry young man. The 'problem' was even worse by then, especially with all the beautiful and sexy girls around. Almost anything would set it off, especially physical exertion. Running on the athletics track at the college sports club would bring up a nine inch 'boner', or when playing rugby, a big interest of mine in those days. I had to start wearing very tight trunks under my shorts.

Four things would be guaranteed to set off my erection:

(1) My sexy female tutor who had enormous but beautifully shaped breasts. I often had to stay behind in class while I waited for my erection to subside.

(2) Bus rides. The vibration from the engine would give me a massive erection and the longer it went on the more likely I was to 'cum' in my jeans. This actually happened a couple of times. I sometimes had to wait until the bus reached the terminus and the engine switched off before I could persuade my erection to go down.

(3) Taking a shower. As the jets of water played on my dick, it would steadily rise to about 70 or 80 degrees, with the end slipping out of the skin. My dick just seemed to spend a lot of time completely erect.

(4) Watching fights, particularly women's fights, but men's fights also gave me a stiff dick, and fighting with other guys. Even as we goaded each other to fight I could feel my dick swelling. I thought I must be weird as violence seemed to turn me on. I thought I was unique and was embarrassed by it.


At first things were different at college however. I was just becoming reassured that having a bigger than average dick was a good thing when I became a victim of the college bully, Hugo, a big, red-haired, broad-shouldered man of about 19 years who was as well hung as me. It sounds silly, but I took offence at that. Hugo also took offence at me. We should have been friends, we had a lot in common, but things turned out otherwise.

Instead, and I think in large part because we were both well-endowed in terms of cock size, Hugo became, over the months we had been at college, very insulting over the obvious bulge in my trousers (much admired by the women in the college, but they usually ran away giggling to each other) and of course I had noted his bulging 'package'. At first I was just goaded and verbally abused by Hugo and we had threatened each other in the changing room of the college sports club, with the other students chanting for us to fight after I had noticed how his dick swelled in his shorts as he wrestled another guy in the gym on a couple of mats and eventually protruded from a leg of his shorts. But he noticed me staring at his bulging shorts. Ah. Here was a man with the same problem as me.

Things came to a head when Hugo and I were in the communal shower and my cock, per usual, got hard. This amused some of the other guys in the shower, but it enraged Hugo, especially because it was the day I'd watched his dick swell as he wrestled. His penis was affected similarly to mine in the shower and this growing mutual hatred of each other's huge organ led to an uncontrollable rise in testosterone and adrenaline resulting in extreme aggression and a brutal, bloody fight in the showers. We battered each other's naked, wet bodies, faces, and heads with our fists until the blood ran along the shower drain with the warm water. The harder we fought the harder our dicks became until we each grabbed the other's offending organ and yanked one another around the shower with them as though trying to rip them off until, the twisting, pulling and general man-handling forced us to cum. The mighty orgasms which wracked us ended the fight. The other students began taking bets on who would win the definitive fight, but they were never to see it. I avoided Hugo as much as I could after that, but I realized we would both be compelled to resolve things.

Not least because Hugo was a very aggressive bully. He was (probably still is) a big-made man, thick-set and muscular with red hair and a loutish manner. The person today who reminds me of him is the controversial boxer Mike Tyson. Hugo is the sort of trouble causer you would cross the street to avoid, but is the sort who would probably follow you and begin assaulting you for no reason. He is the kind of person who is typified by soccer hooligans. He was the sort of person who literally robbed less assertive people of their money at college. He would corner someone and threaten them if they did not hand over some cash. He delighted in cheating, especially in sports, thinking it amusing to trip someone up. He was always bullying people, but it did not work on me, although in class one day he ran a razor blade across one of my fingers and stood back gloating as if challenging me to do something. He was also inordinately proud of his large dick (which formed a bulge in his trousers as, like mine, it seemed to spend a lot of time erect or semi erect) and his behaviour with those he bullied and intimidated bordered on the illegal. He was known to pull his zipper down and force those he intimidated to handle it, including girls. He used it as his stamp of superiority.

That is until I came along. He could not bully me and I would even stand up for others, which infuriated him. It further infuriated him to see that I was as well hung as him, it threatened his 'superior' self image. After a few little 'spats' such as the one I described in the communal showers after a game of Rugby, he was only too keen to show me what he thought of himself, which is why, as I'll explain, I challenged him to a cockfight.


I had found a porn magazine about a year previously, and apart from all the pictures of naked women was an article on 'cockfighting' with some pictures showing strapped cocks. I had become incredibly frustrated because I was painfully shy with girls and could not get a girlfriend (their giggling at my 'package' especially caused problems). Apart from jacking off I looked around in desperation for relief. I had developed the idea of cock fighting someone, but never had the courage to approach anyone. My older brother discovered the magazine and this added to our sibling rivalry. Robert and I fought like wild animals as kids and when he taunted me about the magazine and dick fighting it was just too much. We had a naked cock fight with our dicks free as nature intended. I won this dickfight as mine remained hard throughout while his went soft.

I managed to persuade Robert to keep quiet about the mag.

Although I had no problem maintaining an erection, after a while it would go softer than I wanted and my balls seemed to retreat into my scrotum. Flaccid, my dick is about 6 inches long and 5.5 inches circumference. I had previously measured my erect penis at a maximum 9.25 inches, but to prevent any going soft during another full erection fight I began to experiment with strapping my cock. It consisted of jacking it up to maximum erection, then passing a strap over it at the base and under the balls deep in the scrotum to tighten over the ridge as I pulled it as tight as possible. My penis began to lengthen and thicken, so much so that I could not get my hand around it. I was alarmed at first at how much thicker and longer strapping it made it become. The glans bulged out from the stretched skin and shone like polished bronze. To ensure it stayed erect no matter what, once my dick was at full erection I tightened the strap as tight as it would go, then slid it down to the absolute root inside the scrotum with a distinct 'pop'. I finally managed to lengthen it (under pressure) by one and a half to two inches and it thickened by up to an inch! My penis was now massively erect and had turned dark with prominent veins, my balls swelled up to be the size of a pair of oranges. This feeling made me even more aggressive and still more horny.

Eventually I found the courage to challenge Hugo to a strapped-cock cockfight. After he'd stopped laughing and accused me of being homosexual in extremely vehement terms I showed him the mag and he, to my eternal surprise, agreed to a strapped dickfight.

Thinking back, I realize that naturally with his inflated ego Hugo also believed his dick (the symbol of his power) to be superior, and would often brag about it. He could not resist the idea of a man to man cockfight so that he could prove his superiority. I chose a 'strapped' cock fight because I wanted to avoid any risk of going limp and thus risk losing. At least if we were both strapped the fight would be on strictly equal terms. I also knew that there was a risk of doing potentially serious (though temporary) damage. It was not done for reasons of love or humanitarian considerations. It is often the case that those men who are anxious to portray an over the top macho image are afraid of their attraction to other men.

In any case, I knew I could not let Hugo win such a 'land mark' fight, because it would have increased his aggressive air of superiority and his win would, I'm sure, have led to serious sexual offences. I believe he was a potential rapist and an abusive sexual menace to both men and women. I was not surprised to later learn that he wound up in prison.

We had a very brutal fight one Saturday in my parents' house while they and my brother were away.

It was not a cockfight in an overtly sexual sense, but the fact that violence got both our 'rocks off' made it into a kind of sexual experience. No, this was mostly a punishing fight between two powerful young men with cock torture to up the stakes: Strapped cocks is arguably one of the most tortuous forms of the activity. As far as I was concerned it was the most practical solution at the time. There was also a genuine fascination with which of us could hold an erection the longest under these conditions and who would weaken by ejaculating first. To two sexually frustrated 19 year old men this was the "true test of 'manhood' ". Of course, I know better than this now.

As I remember it and write it down the story seems incredible to me now, it was after all more than a quarter of a century ago! I almost dare not write it.

But here it is:


The following Friday was the end of term, and the end of our courses, so we arranged the fight for the following Saturday. My parents and brother were away for that weekend leaving me to cater for myself, so I invited Hugo over.

Saturday arrived and it was suitably windy and stormy. In my room, we stripped naked and jacked our cocks to full erection, arguing and insulting each other as we did so to psyche ourselves up. We each fastened a tight strap around the roots of our erect, hard penises and squeezed our purple cocks out to their full 9 inches or so, then jacked them up further under pressure of the ligatures. I tightened the strap around my penis and scrotum at the root, pushing it down the root until my penis extended yet further, so far in fact that the little piece of connective tissue connecting my glans to the heavily veined skin of my penis tore. I felt it tear with a 'pop', but there was very little blood. I guessed that my now dark purple and cold penis must have extended by almost 2 inches, its circumference had thickened so much my fingers would not go all the way around it. Hugo glanced aggressively at me as his muscular arms shook with the effort of tying off the ligature and sliding it to the absolute root of his rigid shaft deep inside his scrotum. The rigid purple shaft bobbed up and down in front of him as he moved and his turgid purple balls swung gently. "Okay you fucking bastard!" I said, staring at his long, thick, ugly shaft. "You've had this coming for months!". Hugo tossed his lank red hair back and glared at me. "Well, come on! Try it, cunt!" he said.

I felt my temper rise. We slowly circled each other, arguing and threatening each other, stirring up furious tempers as our testosterone levels skyrocketed, our arms held like wrestlers at our sides, our massively erect dark purple and heavily veined bulging shafts swaying and bobbing rigidly, pointing stiffly skywards as we did so, the purple 'mushroom-like' glans shining as the thin membrane stretched ever tighter. I felt my hard, enlarged balls catching between my thighs and they swung and wobbled as I caught them while we sidestepped and danced around the room like boxers. My heart was pounding at incredible speed as the adrenaline ran free. As we goaded each other, I could almost smell the testosterone.

I hated the idea of getting so close to Hugo, but we closed in on each other, almost nose to nose. Our stiff shafts smacked against each other as our torsos met. Something akin to an electric shock ran through my body. We each instinctively clasped our hands behind our backs. Hugo twisted his hips so that his rigid dick flicked mine effortlessly aside. I thrust my pelvis forward, slamming our erect penises and prominent, tightly strapped balls together. Hugo grunted at this and twisting his hip to his right, then swung at my dick and pelvis, slamming our groins painfully. I was knocked backwards a step, but Hugo advanced twisting his pelvis, his swinging, bobbing dick swiped mine left, then right as I was driven backwards. My dick throbbed from this battering, but I pulled myself together and countered, twisting my hips right and left. Our penises smacked across each other too many times to count. By now my glans and balls were aching terribly and my shaft throbbed. Gradually our penises dropped to around 45 degrees which made it a little easier to fight; I could gratefully stand back from Hugo's bad breath.

About eighteen inches or so apart now the intensity of the battle increased. Our torsos and hips swung and our swollen cocks battered each other so that they bounced and swung wildly. It felt like my dick was being hit with a wooden stick as Hugo took wide and punishing swings at it. Our turgid glans smacked across each other making them sting and eliciting cries of pain from each of us. Our shafts whacked across each other a few more times making them throb as we both became increasingly frustrated and sensed that our opponent was about to crank up the fight. To pre-empt Hugo, I suddenly took a step forwards and jabbed at his cock with my hard, smooth glans, knocking it smacking upwards against his abdomen and sinking my hard end, dripping in pre-sperm fluid, into his turgid balls at the root of his penis. We were nose to nose as Hugo let out a cry of surprise and acute pain. His rigid shaft bobbed and bounced to its 45 degree angle, and he twisted his hip, whacking my swollen glans aside with his with a resounding slap. Before the sting of the blow subsided he charged the point of his glans into my balls. I almost retched, but I swung my shaft at his instead, catching his shaft a full broadside with a loud slap, which I know hurt both of us.

I sensed he was weakening and the expression on his face meant he was obviously still suffering from my attack on his balls. I swung and battered, driving him backwards. Hugo grew angrier and began vehemently slamming his groin against mine. My penis and balls ached almost unbearably from this assault, but I considered it must be hurting Hugo too, so I slammed my groin at his just as hard. This thrusting compounded the damage and pain. Both in some degree of discomfort we retreated and warily circled each other, the sweat pouring off us as though we were standing under a hot shower. Advancing again our cocks whacked each other around several more times, each blow making them sting. Our hard glans also took several more direct hits. This was just like swordfighting! Our shafts stayed rigid though and as I thudded mine into his with a sickening dull thud twisting it violently aside Hugo let out a cry and grunted with pain and jabbed his weapon at mine and at the same time grabbed my shoulders. As his hard end gouged into my balls I gripped his muscular shoulders, sinking my short fingernails into the flesh. He roared in pain at this and tried to push me around the room. I pushed back and our cocks came into contact again.

I winced as Hugo swung with his full weight behind a blow which slapped my strapped and painfully rigid cock up to smack loudly against my sweating abdomen, splattering fluid around. As it bounced back to its 45 degree angle I thrust it into his, throwing my pelvis in after it. Our penises thumped together as did our balls and they wrestled and twisted out of our view while we grappled each other in a crushing bearhug. Our cocks and balls continued to mash against each other's as we ground hard, until we stumbled over the corner of the bed and crashed to the floor. Our bearhug broke apart and we rolled several feet apart and got back to our feet. We angrily flew at each other and grabbing each other's shoulders again we kept our distance and gyrated our hips so that our cocks flew through the air, smacking painfully against each other for about 60% of the time. The rest of the time we frequently missed. This was hard work and my concentration was so great I lost track of time. I estimate another 5 minutes of this had us heaving for breath and sweating so hard we were steaming, our bodies glistened, and still our rigid, dark purple cocks bobbed and swung as they battered each other into bruises, the prominent veins in our cocks throbbing as they were crushed and painfully whacked, our bruised cocks beginning to show black spots on the swollen veins as we fought, our shiny purple cock ends were massively swollen, feeling like they might burst as we swung and thrust them.

Glancing down through the sweat stinging my eyes I could see pink wheels appearing on my shiny purple glans, the membrane had split and was peeling. A big blue vein in Hugo's rigid column was threatening to rupture and the vein thickened to about half an inch. Neither of us was going to give in however. Still we fought. By now my ice cold penis was completely numb and as I jabbed and whacked his a layer of membrane began to peel in patches from my glans. Now completely exhausted, our breath rasped painfully in our throats and our lungs burned as our chests heaved. The stench in the room was overpowering. Our cocks were completely numb and quite insensitive so we began pushing our purple glans into each other to test whose penis was the strongest. My sperm-hole was sore, swollen and red raw, my balls swollen to twice their normal size because of the constriction of the tight strap. I noticed Hugo's 'mushroom' glans was even more swollen. I reckoned he was even more sore than me, so I targeted it and rammed him head on. I clenched my ass tight and squeezed the erectile muscle tight as I leant into him. Grunting and sweating hard we both pushed our distorting and aching 'mushrooms' at each other's, but they repeatedly slipped off each other.

I managed to get Hugo's penis to begin to bend in the middle before it flicked free and he howled in pain. Annoyed, Hugo rammed back at mine all the harder. "That was a pure fluke!" he said letting go of my shoulders and taking a couple of steps backwards. My bloodless, tingling hands fell to my sides. Our dicks settled at just above the horizontal and our glans were grazed and peeling as clear fluid oozed from our cocks. "Mine will break yours in half!" Hugo bragged wrapping the fingers of his right hand around his thick, swollen cock. "Come on then!" I said working my ice-cold shaft in my hand, fluid running down my hand. Hugo jacked his up harder. I watched with disbelief as it visibly throbbed and glistened because of its covering of fluid. Now with the stiffest possible erection, our dicks were standing up at about 70 degrees and we agreed to break a rule to try to reach a conclusion and each of us grasped our own rigid penis low down at the root and, leaving at least six inches of rigid shaft, pushed them down to the horizontal. This was almost painful at the root of the penis and inside the scrotum. We lined up our peeling glans and as our swollen and dripping sperm holes touched, still gripping them tightly, we rammed them head on, pushing into each other hard, then let go of our ram rods, leaving them to fight it out.

Our hard rods, tip to tip, began to bend each other downwards, aided by the slippery fluid. Twisting and grinding our pelvises we pushed each other's penis upwards, sideways and bent a little in the middle, before flicking up almost vertical again. This was the signal for a break. We each took a step backwards and grabbing our own dicks again we pointed them at each other. "Come on you bastard, if you want to see whose is the strongest!" I said. Hugo needed no second bidding. With an animal snarl we both hurled ourselves forwards and rammed them together head on as hard as we could. We both screamed as our sore glans spread and our shafts began to bend. We pushed them together as hard as we could, using our legs to push. A prolonged "AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" came from between our tightly gritted teeth as we thrust our groins and tried to bounce each other and I felt my shaft begin to bend painfully across my thumb. Hugo was declaring victory as I came back at him, bending his softening shaft across his index finger. He jumped back. "OWWW!. You almost broke it in half!" he declared rubbing it carefully. "You fucking cheat!" he accused, "You drew back and rammed it!" he complained. "No!" I argued. "It's obvious yours is going soft!"

Infuriated he jacked his cock quickly and came at me with it squeezed tightly in his hand. "Admit defeat you cheating bastard!" I said. Hugo vehemently refused. We jabbed our now grazed cocks at each other, and smacked our split glans across each other's, making them sting. Manipulating them in our hands we swiped and smacked with them until they tingled from the hard blows, small blackened lumps appearing at the site of injury. We began targeting each other's swollen balls, making each other retch as our stomachs exploded in pain. As Hugo caught me a head-on ram into my balls I jumped back and let go of my throbbing penis. "I WIN!!!!" he roared as my knees buckled forcing me to drop to one knee. "No!" I shouted back. "Not until one of us can't go on" I said breathlessly, struggling against the pain to stand up straight. We approached each other again. Our breath rasped as our chests heaved. "I'm gonna castrate you, you bastard!" I heard myself wheeze. I could feel the sperm in my balls heaving and my swollen penis was desperate to shoot its load, but trussed up as they were, it would be hard to make each other's cock ejaculate, so I reckoned this would be a fight to the finish.

Hugo suddenly lunged forwards and gripped my shoulders again. "I'll kill you!!!" he screamed in my face. I was just swinging my hands up to grip his shoulders when he smacked his forehead into mine. My head snapped back as I reeled, then he slammed his knee into my groin. Fortunately I was twisting away from the blow to my head, so his knee rammed into my inner thigh. I nearly crumpled from this painful blow, but as my eyes watered profusely, mingling with sweat from my brow, I felt a fist pound into my side ribs. I was furious and slammed my left fist into his stomach. "Cheating bastard!" I yelled. A split second later his left fist thudded into my ribs on the other side with a sickening pain and knocking the breath out of me. I swung a fist up to connect with his face. Hugo tottered backwards a few steps, then swung a fist at my head. I ducked then rammed my clawed right hand upwards into his groin and gripped his entire 'package'. Hugo bellowed and grasped the back of my head with his right hand, his left hand slammed into my balls and gripped my package. Pulling on each others tightly strapped balls and cock we swung one another around the room, roaring at each other and grunting like prize bulls. We were wildly off balance and in the small room my legs caught the edge of the bed and I crashed onto my side on top of it. Hugo fell with me as we still gripped one another's balls and penis. The heavy fall on the well-sprung mattress bounced us off it like a trampoline and we went flying over the other side, our legs flailing in the air before we each crashed to the floor.

I landed on my left shoulder and Hugo above my head on his right hand side. His groin was level with my face, so I hurled myself forwards, rolling onto my stomach and grabbed his penis and balls with both hands. My penis was crushed against the floor on the rough carpet beneath my weight. Hugo grabbed my wrists and rolling onto his back, pulled me across the floor for a foot or two. My glans and balls got badly grazed. Hugo was already getting up onto his right knee. He pulled my hands from his groin and swung his left leg over my back. I felt his cold penis and balls slap against me as he sat down, then he leant forward and began to pull my head back with a chin lock. I had no choice but to push my arms out straight to save myself. Unfortunately this increased the pressure on my balls and squashed penis against the carpet. I couldn't bear the pain of my balls and cock being crushed so I pushed myself backwards onto my knees until I was knelt four square, then raised myself into a squatting position. Hugo lost his balance and landing on his feet, got off me, then suddenly hooked an arm around my neck pulling me over backwards and slamming a knee into my back as he did so. I landed on my back with my knees raised, writhing from the pain in my back. I just realized I was vulnerable in this position, and before I could do anything about it Hugo swung a foot at my groin. I twisted to avoid the blow but he caught me a glancing blow across the penis. I thought I would pass out from the pain and twisted more violently to avoid more injury as he kicked out at me. He aimed another blow at my groin as I twisted to the left and I reached out to grasp both legs below the knees and pulled. Hugo lost his balance and fell against the edge of the bed as he went down and landed on his back, his feet pointing towards me.

I rolled upright onto my right knee, my left knee raised. Hugo flicked his right foot out and caught me smack in the groin. My balls felt as though they were about to explode with the pain and I bowed my head as I tried to outlast the pain. My penis, dotted with pea size black lumps and bruises lay along my upwards thigh. Meanwhile Hugo had got to his feet and thought I was protecting it. "Come on you cowardly bastard...Fight like a man!!!" he spluttered through the sweat and blood running across his lips and kicked his right shin into my package, smashing my painfully erect penis downwards into my groin and throbbing balls. I let out a pained cry as the rigid shaft bent at the root and I instinctively punched him in his groin. Hugo dropped to his left knee in front of me gurgling in pain, his eyes rolling and rammed his other knee into my balls, which were so swollen and hardened by the ligature his blow almost rebounded. Caught off balance by this maneuver Hugo could not protect himself as I grabbed his long shaft in my right hand and twisted it. On both knees now, Hugo hooked his right hand under my balls and squeezed and twisted them mercilessly snarling and hissing through his clenched teeth. I wrenched his cock hard, nipping his purple glans and digging my fingernails in. Hugo gasped in pain and sank his nails deeply into my scrotum, and trying to hook his fingertips behind my gonads roared that he was going to 'rip' my 'balls off', then tore them upwards. As the blood ran down my thigh from the scratches to my scrotum I yelled out and slipped my fingertips to the root of his penis with his scrotum and dug my fingers in. Hugo bellowed and twisted my balls right over, my penis twisting round beneath them. I roared at this and dropped my right knee to the floor, and, flinging myself forwards, barged into his right shoulder and sweating upper body with mine, bearing him to the floor with my weight. As he hit the floor Hugo ripped out a handful of pubic hair from my balls.

I hit the floor shoulder first, a moment later my grazed glans rammed into the rough carpet. I felt the heat as the membrane abrased. On his back now, Hugo rolled onto his side and twisting round, grabbed my head, twisting my neck. I snarled through gritted teeth and grabbed his head. Rolling over my own left shoulder I pulled him across me, dragging his cock and swollen balls across the rough carpet. With this momentum he rolled me over him and we continued like this, fiercely grunting as we tried to break one another's neck. The pouring sweat made us lose our grip and pulling and throwing one another around the room in an untidy wrestling match, we rolled and tumbled across the floor punching at each other's heads, backs and groins, then back again. Though in pain and exhausted, neither of us were prepared to concede defeat, so we continued to viciously attack each other. We were fighting much more slowly now, muscles popping in our arms as we wrestled. Our swollen cocks slapped against each other and the floor as we fought and our cocks and turgid balls got carpet burns as they twisted and dragged across the ridged rainbow striped carpet, grazing them until they burned and seeped. We punched heartily at each other's heads. I saw stars and felt a tooth loosen. I split Hugo's lip and blood splashed into my face and a broken tooth fell onto me in a splash of scarlet. Furious, Hugo pushed my head backwards with a clawed hand to my face, his finger nails puncturing the flesh and almost gouging into my eyes as my nose was crushed upwards by his sweaty palm. I grabbed at his throat with one hand and grasped his balls with the other. As Hugo punched my ribs with his free hand I wrenched his penis and balls all over the place. As Hugo's fingernails tore scratches into my face we both tried to kick, knee and punch each other between the legs.

We finally punched each other apart and as we began getting breathlessly to our feet. We circled each other silently, heaving painfully for breath. Suddenly, Hugo lashed out with a fist and with this lucky punch sent me sprawling backwards onto the bed, my arms spread wide as my hot, wet back hit the cool cover. Hugo grabbed me by my blackened penis and an arm and, dragging me to my feet - propelled me into the opposite wall cupboard. My penis bent painfully as it was rammed against the white gloss door, leaving a bright smear of blood. Hugo then opened the cupboard door and trapped my penis in it. I roared in pain as he banged the door across it twice more. I pushed myself away from the cupboard and fell backwards in time to be caught by Hugo who threw me head first across the bed. My balls and cock dragged across it before I landed on the top of my head on the other side. I then fell onto my right shoulder and began getting groggily to my knees, knocked half senseless. I noticed a long red streak of blood on the cover through blurred vision and noted that my penis and swollen balls were badly grazed as I twisted around in time to be grabbed by my head by Hugo, who was now kneeling on the bed, his thighs wide apart, and slammed my face against a knee.

Stunned, I clawed my way onto the bed, ramming my head into his stomach. Hugo doubled and leant over my back wrapping his arms around my waist and tried to lift me. I rammed the top of my head into his groin and flung my arms around his butt. As we fought, the bed wouldn't take the struggling weight and the two legs we were over collapsed. The bed crashed loudly to the floor and still locked in combat we tumbled off the bed. Hugo hit the floor with his shoulders with me on top of him, my legs up at a 45 degree angle on the bed. He dropped the soles of his feet onto the floor and lay on his back; I dropped onto him between his legs and smashed my groin into his. Pushing my knees out wider I forced his legs further apart and, with my hands around his throat I began smashing the back of his skull on the floor, screaming and swearing at him and at the same time pumped my pelvis up and down slamming my erect penis and strapped bulging balls against his. It hurt me, so I'm assuming it hurt him as my balls squashed his momentarily, before being raised and smashed down again, my still erect penis twisting and smacking against his softening penis. I felt my balls wobble with every blow and the unmistakable surging of an orgasm in my shaft. I suppressed it by tightening my erectile muscle and my ass cheeks. In the same instant, Hugo roared as his penis began to spurt violently and whether involuntary or deliberate, began to buck, forcing our 'packages' to smack together harder.

I pounded back as hard as I could. My balls against his balls, my penis against his penis. A real man to man fight. This would sort out who had the toughest penis and the toughest balls as they slammed against each other over and over. I felt bile rise in my throat. Hugo, screaming incoherently, grabbed my neck and began to throttle me. I headbutted him several times and ground my 'package' yet more forcibly into his. I ground first in a circular pattern, up and down, then rubbing from side to side, and despite still spurting freely, Hugo ground back. My balls heaved and my agonizingly stiff and throbbing penis finally spurted in a painful and seemingly non stop series of convulsions. I twisted my groin around against his until my sore, sperm covered dick was protruding from the side of my left thigh. "I win!" I gasped desperately as I lay resting on top of Hugo. "Fucking shit!" he spat and hooked his arms under mine and, gripping me in a bearhug, rolled me over. In a vicious, desperate bout of fist fighting and wrestling we tumbled and rolled across the floor. Hugo managed to throw me off him at one point and I flew through the air, catapulted apart by the volition of the throw I landed heavily against the wall, hitting it with a reverberating thump.

Hugo fell heavily on an elbow. I sat momentarily stunned as Hugo began to scramble to his feet and was on one knee when, presented with an opportunity to slam my grazed left foot into his balls, I rammed them with the edge of my foot, the kick causing me to slide to the floor. I felt his balls squash flat and Hugo doubled up in pain as he rolled into a foetal position groaning and gasping and clutching his package. I got unsteadily to my feet, my dick growing back to full rigidity, slapping against my thighs. As he began to straighten up, groaning piteously I noticed his massive, grazed penis was still half erect. A wave of unreasonable anger washed over me. I felt my dick raise to near-vertical and felt blood from my grazed and scratched scrotum trickling down my leg, and this decided me. I bent and grasped his purple, blood engorged penis and began jacking it off. Hugo struggled onto his back and shouted "NOOOOO!!!" as his strapped and swollen balls bounced and slapped against his groin and his penis began to shoot sperm under pressure. I remember that some of it flew to quite a height and spattered the wall. As I jumped back Hugo rolled onto all fours, ejaculating like an elephant, convulsing and roaring as great white blobs spattered the carpet, sent squirting painfully under pressure from his tightly bound penis, his swollen balls hanging down as big as a prize bull's, heaving with the effort. I watched and taunted him until his penis began to go limp. He then flopped face down on the floor, lying flat out with his arms spread out either side. His body heaved and groaned painfully.

For good measure I kicked the ball of my foot at his ribs, connecting with a satisfying thud. I restrained myself from kicking his balls squeezed out under him between his spread legs. Instead I declared that I had won as my dick still stood rigidly to attention at about 80 degrees. I was suddenly aware of a hot feeling in my penis. I looked down and went light-headed, horrified to see a huge black swelling the size and shape of a duck egg on the underside of my battered penis. A vein had ruptured, and the big thick one down the side looked likely to rupture. Panicking, I began frantically to remove the ligature, now buried amongst the swollen flesh. The searing pain of the circulation returning to my penis almost made me pass out and I dropped to my knees as my legs went weak. My swollen penis remained defiantly erect and, free of its binding, began to slowly return to normal, though the skin was somewhat thickened. "How was I going to explain THIS!" I thought squatting wide-legged on my knees and examining the rupture. Then I looked around at the damage and the staining from all the ejaculations on the carpet. I looked around at my wrecked bedroom and the broken bed. How am I going to explain THIS to my parents!!! Hugo grunted with pain as he sat up and removed his ligature. He almost passed out as he peeled it from his swollen skin.

I had to 'phone for a cab to take Hugo home. This was the last time I ever saw Hugo. As it turned out, I did not need to explain my injuries as the ruptured vein soon reabsorbed the blood and the swelling went down, as did Hugo's injuries. It took me all day Sunday to clean up. I managed to replace the legs on the bed, but I still had to find an excuse for my facial injuries, so I explained I had had a final fight with Hugo on Saturday night at the waste ground. I'm not certain my parents believed me. I could not walk properly for days after the fight. I certainly got grilled by my brother, but I didn't let on, I stuck to the fight story outside.


I suffered no permanent damage as in the following fifteen years I left home and had a few more cock fights, but none as brutal as this first one. Almost 11 years on since my very last cock fight I have three children. I heard from former college buddies that Hugo eventually went to sea, got into many fights and gained some criminal convictions for violence and assaults and finally wound up in prison. Anyhow, although I found I had a liking for this kind of combat I must state that I have never had any exclusively homosexual leanings, but this just shows what can happen when the intense rivalry of two very fit young men boils over, coupled with intense sexual frustration and hatred.

But, like I say, I did have a number of cockfights afterwards in the 15 years before I got married. I also realized that I was bi-sexual and I had a small number of close relationships with other men, men whom I sometimes shared girlfriends with. But by that period I was living a very bohemian lifestyle amongst the artistic community, so my excesses were not regarded as strange. Although by then the cockfights were not for reasons of aggression, and girlfriends were allowed to watch and were 'turned on' by it.

Now, since I married, I have calmed down and I have not gone with a man in any sort of way for the last 11 years. I chose a particularly 'womanly' wife, who turned out to be a practical fan of wrestling and joined a women's club. I suppose like attracts like! I often think I would like to try cockfighting again, but I doubt that it would stay up long enough. The cockfighting did no harm though, as I now have three children.

I'm posting my experience so that other guys who feel the way I do can see that they're not alone in their experience of their natural male sex aggression.

Thank you for providing your website, it has certainly helped me to come to terms with a few things, and in time I'm hopeful that the mists will clear so that I can see who I really am - because I still don't know.


Q and A:

Bill: What sort of sex did you have with your boyfriends and with women and what were those experiences like for you?

Pete: I took quite a while in coming to a realization that I was effectively bi-sexual. With my strict Christian upbringing it is possible to find hundreds of reasons, emotionally, physiologically, psychologically. Perhaps I was 'damaged' by a repressive upbringing, or perhaps it's in the genes. One thing I DO know however is that more men than will admit it are drawn to their own gender. I don't consider myself homosexual, I appreciate women greatly and they are grateful for this. Grateful because - so they tell me - I am not like other men. I will cook for them, clean the house, do the shopping, help the woman choose what to wear!!! - all feminine traits I am told. But I am not effeminate.

I am regarded by my few male friends as a man's man. I am most definitely male, and all my attributes are male. I have male aggression and a male outlook on the world, - if there is a fight - I do not back down from it, though at 45yo there are relatively fewer men who want to fight.

(Although there was a street fight a few years back because my friend and I were displaying our 'male' affection and sympathy for each other in a restaurant one summer night. Two others in the restaurant took offence and came out with the usual homophobic rhetoric. When my friend and I left the restaurant they had gathered two friends and we were 'jumped' and there was a tremendous fight, teeth, blood, hair, and part of an ear went flying, followed by some lusty kicking in the groin and grabbing and twisting of the organs which occupy that space, and ripping and shredding of clothing. Needless to say, my friend and I won. Two of them ran off, the other two were taken to the hospital to be checked over.)

But I regard all people, irrespective of gender as just, - well - people! I see no real difference between males and females (apart from the obvious physical ones), perhaps this is why I can strike up a relationship with anyone - be they male or female. I am reminded of another "man's man" and yet "ladies man" made famous by history. I have seen yet another TV documentary on General Sir Arthur Wellesly, Duke of Wellington, who famously won the battle of Waterloo against the French Emperor Napoleon. He enjoyed a lively and seemingly insatiable sex life, with women, other men (usually officers) and boys. One of his nicknames was "The Big-nosed Bugger". The reason is obvious.

One thing I will reassure you of is that I am NOT into anal penetration. Never have been, never will be, not even with women!

I've never approved of anal sex. Apart from being personally distasteful there are good health and welfare reasons why it is not a sensible thing to get drawn into. It is also illegal in Britain, rather pointless in many ways as there is no way of policing it. I suppose the police can only act if they receive a complaint against an individual accused of forcing it on someone against his (or indeed her) will.

I realise that we in Cockrub Warriors are outraging the overtly 'gay' community. I have no problem with controversy. As you may have figured out, I have the sort of character which is unafraid to take on challenges and being out of step with others does not worry me. In many ways I have always been out of step with society at large, it is of no concern to me now that I am out of step with a minority group of people who are into anal penetration.

My sexual relationships with other men were in the broadest sense. Yes frot' was a large element in this, as was sexual cockfighting (I distinguish between the violent cockfight I had with Hugo and the later sexual cockfighting) and the rest of it was mutual stimulation, maximum body contact and admiration including mutual penis and ball rubbing until we ejaculated. Then we would do it again until we were exhausted. Sometimes we would also mutually masturbate each other. Oral sex was frequently involved. There is no difference when I am with a woman. Penetrative sex is rare these days, (although I do enjoy it with a woman) and I give her what she really wants - clitoris and vagina stimulation and intense physical admiration. Perhaps I am unusual in that I regard full penetrative sex as only for reproduction purposes, there are other, more exciting ways of enjoying sex. I am undemanding, and the woman is happy because she does not feel obligated.

Women often confide in me and a constant theme is the feeling of obligation and subjugation to male domination. They do not like this!

Bill: There's a fairly common fantasy among men in the club of cockfighting in front of their gfs, which indeed gets them hot, and then having sex with them -- I don't know how many people actually do that, though if you did it we can be sure that others have too.

Pete: Yes, I did it. As I say I left college and instead of a career as an engineering draftsman I took up art. I lived with other artists in their bohemian world of the decidedly eccentric. Girlfriends and boyfriends were very much a part of that scene and sex was often a communal affair which also included swapping partners. Frot' led to more 'violent' sex and when cockfighting was introduced it became more a matter of personal honour if the women watched. It was so embarrassing for the man whose dick went limp first! I must state that from time to time there were catfights amongst a couple of jealous girls, so it wasn't all one way.

Bill: Do you miss having sex with men, and if you do, what sort of sex would you like to have?

As I said previously, it makes little difference to me whether the kind of sex I've described is with male or female. I have not had 'sex' with another man though these past 11 years. Do I miss it? Sometimes I think I do and other times I think I don't! I'm ambivalent, but I do still fantasize over sex, but a fantasy involving a woman can immediately follow a fantasy involving a man. I hope this makes sense.

These days I hate and abhor violence, but if anyone inflicts it on me I will respond appropriately. The late 1970's when my fight with Hugo was set, I was a confused, angry young man and I often met like with like. Violence is so often a common problem with young men, as we see in our streets these days, at football matches, in bars. It is a fact of life. I don't condone it, but I understand it.

Postscript from Bill Weintraub

About Men, Sex, and Aggression

Wow!!! What a great series of posts from Pete.

From the first we've been blessed with men like Pete who are willing to talk publicly about their most private lives.

So thank you Pete.

Now, I want to re-iterate that fighting and cockfighting are not the primary focus of the site.

But clearly for guys into physical contests and cockfighting with other men, Pete's story of his fight with Hugo is exciting and in a sense validating -- not least because both in the fight and in his subsequent life, Pete bridged the gap between "gay" and "straight."

So it's worth taking a closer look at what actually happened in this fight.

First of all, I think we need to be clear that men are violent and men are aggressive.

In the 1960s, many of us wanted to believe that wasn't so, and that aggression was a function of culture.

Which it may be to an extent, but the anthropological evidence is that male aggression and violence is widespread and virtually universal, and that many primitive societies which we naively once believed were less aggressive than our own, are in reality very aggressive - they appear less aggressive because they don't have the technological means to do the sort of damage we do - but they're still violent - from our point of view, often compulsively so.

For that reason, every society seeks to control and channel male aggressive energies.

Now I've argued in a number of places, but most recently in phallic, masculine, heroic, that cock combat is one solution to the problem of male aggression.

Sounds far-fetched, right? But let's look at what actually happened in the fight between Pete and Hugo.

It's true that neither man appears to have conceived of the fight as primarily sexual, but rather as a test of strength between their huge cocks. And certainly the fight never got beyond that stage - Pete and Hugo never made the leap, as the characters in my fiction do, from fighting cocks to mating cocks.

But it's interesting to how great an extent they kept the focus of the fight their cocks, and the ultimate question of who would go soft first.

Even after the cockfight had degenerated into a brawl - not surprising given Hugo's character and Pete's intense anger - they both continued to concentrate on each other's cocks, the physical symbol of their manhood.

They could have just throttled each other - or knocked each other out. Instead they kept coming back to the contest between their cocks.

And when Pete finally succeeded in forcing a titanic ejaculation from Hugo, the fight was over.

So although the fight was violent and bloody and bruising, think of the difference between this sort of fight and a fight between young men armed with swords, as has been known to happen when students in a martial arts academy have a bitter conflict.

Someone dies.

Didn't happen here.

Moreover, it's worth pointing out that as violent as the fight was, the antagonists didn't go in certain directions that they could have. Pete didn't rape Hugo at the end of the fight for example. Nor did Hugo seek revenge upon Pete - and although one can argue that that's not surprising, given that most bullies like easy targets, he could have - but he didn't, instead accepting the outcome of the cock combat as final.

I think that's instructive - because it appears to confirm what many of us in this club believe: that there's a sexual element to male aggression, just as there's an aggressive element to male sexuality, and that if both those elements can be played out, rather than repressed, they dissipate - at least temporarily.

And there's then the potential for the men involved to bond.

That didn't happen with Pete and Hugo. Because both they and the society they lived in were homophobic, and they couldn't get past that.

Yet it's clear that Hugo was the aggressor, and for homosexual reasons - he was the bully, and it seems very likely, based on his actions and his subsequent history, that, as Pete says, Hugo had strong homosexual feelings about which he was badly conflicted and used his macho image to hide them from others and himself - my guess is that he had a secret sex life with men, and was perhaps at some point a basher as well.

So homophobia has to be seen as the villain in this story. Had these guys not been homophobic and living in a homophobic society, they might have had a rivalry that was settled by a friendly cockfight - as Pete says, they should have been friends, and maybe something more.

In any case, Pete was able, in part no doubt because his talents led him to artistic circles, to fully explore his sexuality, and develop a fulfilling sex life with both women and men, the latter centering on frot and cockfighting.

And that sounds like a good life to me.

Reply from Pete

Dear Bill,

Sorry - another long E mail in response to your most recent questions. (12 June)

This was a time when I was, in my late teens, extremely potent sexually. I had the additional problems of severe sexual frustration and consequently an ill-behaved and prominant dick and no way of obtaining relief. It would be accurate to say I was boiling over! I believe that Hugo was in the same boat. Looking back, I can see that his social behaviour was as it was because of sexual frustration. My discovery of the esoteric art of cockfighting was propitious. As our mutual animosity was caused initially by extreme offence to each others dick and our aggression toward each other centered on that it seemed natural to me at the time (without conscious regard to the possible homosexual connotations) to risk ridicule and challenge Hugo to a cockfight. Once he was appraised of what was involved, after initial hostility, personal insults and ridicule, he couldn't wait to prove that his was better than mine. It all seems very juvenile now, and it embarrasses me to think about it, but - as they say "it seemed like a good idea at the time".

I hope my experience stands as a cautionary tale. Of course I would encourage those who want to try sensual or sexual cockfighting to try it, but in hindsight, I would not encourage it between two people who seriously wanted to do each other severe damage. As explained above, this was purely a case of "playing out our natural male aggression" to prove a point. Again, in hindsight, I'm not even sure if we even achieved that. My original idea was intense frottage to try to force defeat upon Hugo by, starting from a mutual advantage of strapped cocks, seeing whose would either weaken and go limp first or which would embarrassingly be forced to ejaculate, and because I genuinely believed my appendage to be superior. But Hugo always was a bad loser and he escalated this into a fist fight and cock torture.

Your point on social taboos is a good one. There is one philosophy which states that sex is fundamentally an act of aggression in itself. With a woman, it culminates in entering her body, and with a man, expressing itself in other ways - cockfighting being just one of these. The other school of thought is the one which believes that sex is based on love, but I think the many rapes which occur in our society (the vast majority of them unreported) proves a certain point. I venture to suggest that if more men were unafraid to overcome the social barriers and find other ways of gaining relief the world would be a more peaceful place. I know that in the buildup to the fight with Hugo I was almost psychotic, but this dissipated when the fight began and the agression was controlled. I believe that Hugo was psychologically disturbed, because his response to the fear of being beaten in this way was right over the top. In a way, I expected that.

You are absolutely correct that our aggression dissipated during the cockfight. Hugo's aggression in escalating the fight to a fist fight was half-hearted and certainly when he was beaten he was no trouble at all. almost meek in fact. Anything I knew about Hugo afterwards was gained second hand. He had talked about a fight with me, but never discussed the nature of it and insisted it was a draw. Thinking about it, I suppose he could be right. I made him ejaculate first through pure frot', but Hugo could not tolerate losing, so he tried to beat me in the only way he knew how. In this sense - I lost because I was the one with the ruptured vein in my dick and the egg sized blood blister which formed, but this was not caused by frot but by a hard blow to it during the fist fight. I ended the fight by cheating and kicking him in the balls and took advantage by masturbating him once he was resigned to defeat. But which of us really won? I contend that there was in fact NO winner.

But it had served its purpose of giving us both sexual relief and emotional relief via the fight.

Your other point, I feel, was also fulfilled - affiliation. We were certainly more respectful of each other if not actual friends after the fight. There was indeed a unique bond between us. If there had been another term for us both in college, we might have become friends. I often wonder what happened to Hugo. I was sad to hear just a couple of years after our fight that he had earned himself a prison sentence. I heard he joined the fishing fleet; after that, I heard nothing at all up to this day!

You're right that cockfighting was an odd thing to do, but we'd had a couple of fist fights and we could not beat each other. As all the animosity was actually over our dicks it seemed a solution presented itself (at least to my mind it looked that way) and, although Hugo took more persuading than I had room to write in my account, it was the most natural and obvious way to settle the dispute.

I hope this helps.


Reply from Bill

hey pete

a terrific reply

it's really interesting that in your experience the fight did dissipate both the sexual and aggressive tensions, that it gave you both sexual and emotional release, and that you were friendlier after the fight

and you might well have become friends or something more if there had been another college term -- hard to say because Hugo obviously did have probs

in any case, you two did indeed have a unique bond, and who knows what might have come of it?

in a sense, it's a typical male bonding story, it's the theme of every "buddy" movie, which are enormously popular in the States, in which two guys who don't like each other are thrown together and pass through a shared ordeal to come out of it as close friends

of course in the US any homo-erotic content to the friendship is suppressed

which makes many gay men impatient -- they say, why don't those two just have sex?

but it's not as simple as that -- in order for them to have sex, they have to find a way of doing it which is congruent with their self-image

and the "gay" way of having sex -- anal penetration -- is not

so for many men, and i say rightly so, getting fucked can't be part of that process and and i believe shouldn't be

there's a better way for them to bond sexually, and that's cock2cock -- because it doesn't compromise their masculinity, and it doesn't endanger them or the women in their lives

another way to put this is to say that in a "buddy" situation, starting with hostility, both men have aggressive energies, and those have to be honored and respected for both men

in anal penetration, one man has to surrender his masculinity (and aggressive capabilities) totally

but in cock2cock, both men preserve their aggressive and masculine attributes

which i think is desirable

needless to say, this view is not politically correct -- but i'll continue to express it

now it's also interesting how you guys came to have a cockfight rather than some other sort of fight

you say in several places that "it seemed natural at the time"

which of course it was

almost everyone in this club has talked about how "natural" frot feels to them, how usually guys discover it on their own, without being initiated into it and without any social or cultural supports -- unlike anal, which has a vast cultural apparatus propping it up

of course in your case, however, there was a cultural support -- the porn magazine

so we'll never know whether left completely to your own devices you would have discovered or invented cockfighting on your own -- though given your super-charged sexuality, your need to express it with men, and your need to fight, it's very possible

but we have to acknowledge that one porn mag does not a cultural apparatus make -- it still took a lot of initiative and desire on your part to translate a few pics in a magazine into your full-fledged battle with Hugo

so clearly it did feel natural for you -- and it must have appealed to Hugo too

so i'm wondering if, after all these posts, you have a better sense of who you are

see, i think you're just a guy -- with normal sexual and aggressive male drives

but you're less repressed than most men -- in your life, you've been able to act on your feelings towards men, and towards women, and be aggressive when it was appropriate

and even combine sex and aggression -- which one might argue was a brilliant and intuitive solution to your problem with Hugo -- because it acknowledged the sexual undercurrent which was fueling your mutual need to fight

Hi Bill,

A very interesting post. Your posts always make me think.

You say: "... we'll never know whether left completely to your own devices you would have discovered or invented cockfighting on your own -- though given your super-charged sexuality, your need to express it with men, and your need to fight, it's very possible".

Thinking back to that time -- I sort of DID independently 'invent' cockfighting long before I found that magazine. Given my problems (of sexual frustration, prolonged erections and a juvenile predisposition towards violence) I had already mused on the possibility of using my erect penis to fight other men with! Of course I was not aware that cockfighting is as old as time. The short article in the magazine I found with a few blurred pictures showing cockfighting, both strapped and free merely confirmed to me that I was on the right track and that I was not alone or perverse in my desire.

Yes, I have said in several places that it felt perfectly natural. Even to the point of when we began our cockfight both Hugo and I instinctively put our hands behind our backs to facilitate a clear space in front of us. Everything just happened naturally.


Reply from bill

hey pete

so you did discover or invent cock combat on your own -- like the rest of us -- the magazine was only confirmation

and what could be more natural? ever since -- at least -- homo habilis, boys have seen older males fighting with weapons, and when they get old enough to get boned, they wonder about using their boners in duels with other boys -- friends and rivals

and adolescent girls make the same equation

when i was a boy of about 10 in the late 1950s, i was riding in the front seat of our family car while in the back seat my big sister and her best (girl) friend, speculated, giggling, about the size of various boys' penises when erect

the friend said of one teen, he must have a club, and my sister, naming a boy who was bigger and taller, said, and he must have one of those new rockets! (it was the age of the ithyphallic inter-continental ballistic missle) -- and of course both girls were lost in paroxysms of laughter

so the comparisons were to weapons, not to bananas -- and that's the association human beings make because men are aggressive

what then could be more natural for two boys than for them to joust and fight with their cocks?

the reason that it doesn't happen more often isn't because boys don't think of it, but because of the severe societal prohibitions, religiously based, against male-male sexual contact

so teen-aged boys (and men) repress and suppress their feelings

but with you and Hugo the feelings -- and your cocks -- were too strong to suppress, and once you'd gotten hard for each other in the shower, the genie was out of the bottle

but you still needed a way to do it which wouldn't make you queers -- and so you came up with the strapped cockfight -- strapping your cocks off from your bodies so that they became quasi-independent entities

what would have happened if you and Hugo had had an extra term together?

well, i think you guys would have gotten into rubbing

i think one of you would have suggested a fight without straps, to really prove who could stay erect the longest, without any props, and without the straps as a barrier to sensuality, you would have ended up rubbing and grinding and getting off that way

what that would have meant for the rest of your lives, i don't know

it might have eased some of Hugo's problems and made him easier to live with, and it might not have

and you wouldn't have stopped being bisexual

the important thing to recognize, in any case, is that getting aroused by fighting and wanting to engage in cockfights or erotic wrestling is natural

and that in cultures without divine prohibitions against homosexual behavior, guys will cockfight, they'll wrestle nude and get hard, and not think anything of it

of course all cultures need to control aggression and sex

but cockfighting, or being aroused by a fight, is only a problem for those cultures which forbid male-male sex, and flip out over any suggestion of a link between sex and aggression

otherwise, cockfighting is benign -- even, it turned out for you and Hugo, in one of its most extreme manifestations

Reply from Pete

Dear Bill

In the years following the fight with Hugo I allowed my bi-sexual tendancies to flourish and subsequent cockfighting and frottage was conducted as nature intended, free from bounds - physical (straps) and otherwise.

Your analysis of Hugo and I, as sworn enemies, strapping our cocks off from our bodies so that they became quasi-independent entities is an interesting one. I must admit I'd never thought of it in those terms before, but you could be right. By de personalising them perhaps we were indeed emphasising them as weapons whilst, at the same time, steering clear of labeling ourselves with stereotypes.

In a sense, our dicks already were independent entities given that we had little control over them.

I don't mind the term 'queer' applied to me. In the strictest sense it merely means 'strange', 'unusual', 'eccentric'. I am all those things and -- as my women friends have observed -- "not like other men".

Despite that I am 100 per cent male with the same urges as other men.

I have now come to terms with my recognition that "getting aroused by fighting and wanting to engage in cockfights or erotic wrestling is natural" and that there are parallels in other cultures, both ancient and modern.

I must admit, I feel a lot better about my self image now that I've got this episode out in the open.


Reply from bill

hey pete

it's great that you feel better, and i know that your posts will help other men too

that's the great thing about the site and guys into frot -- the men who've posted on this board have really put themselves out there to help other men

so the site is a collaboration -- and because of what guys have told me in their posts, my thinking about our issues has changed dramatically over the last two years -- and i'm sure that's true for many of us

so once again thank you Pete -- it's cause of guys like you that


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